Thanks so much. Both of you guys.... You both have a didfferent way of looking at things than I do, which is good. My son is the main drive in my life, I feel like he is my soul. I feel terrible for what I did, trying to leave him like that. I don't know why I did it, well I mean, I know...But it was a momentary lapse of judgement and I feel awful. I'm glad I didn't succeed. I am glad my sister is staying with us now, to you know...Keep an eye on me.
It's mostly the stuff with my relationship I struggle with.
Everything he does I'm suspicous of, and compare to my ex's past actions/reactions. When he says something, or asks me something, before I answer I think, why is he asking that, what does he want from me? What will his reaction be to the answer? I am constantly questioning his motives. He is a really sweet guy and goes out of his way to try and please me, and all I can think is, why is he being so nice, be careful steff, something's afoot, he's manipulating you somehow.
He is constantly telling me how beautiful I am, how smart I am, how much he likes me, what a great mom I am....I wish he woudl stop, cuz I don't know what I'm supposed to say, and I feel awkward. No one has ever said that stuff to me before, what am I supposed to say? Why doesn't he stop it?
Whenever he tells me stuff, I think, is that true? Is he lying? My ex was a pathological liar, and I keep thinking, is he lying to manipulate you? He's trying to be what he thinks you want, to draw you in.
Like today, he came to my house, he was driving to a client's earlier this week and saw a completely pink house. The roof was pink, the sides, the fence around the yard even! He drove all the way to my town, from the city (about an hour), to pick me up and drive me there just so I could see it, cuz he knows I love everything and anything that is pink.
While we were in the car he suddenly reached over my head because the seatbelt had twisted up where it feeds out. I flinched so hard, my whole body jerked. His hand stopped in mid air and he looked, well. Crushed. Irritated, stunned.
I like this guy but....I don't know what to do anymore. I am thinking of breaking this whole thing off, and giving up on dating altogether. It's not fair to this guy. And, I am just like....I don't know damaged goods....
