Hello 428pm
You are not horrible. When you have been through something before, and the memory is a bad one, that bad memory can somehow be revived by following a similar pattern again.
You were in a relationship. It seemed right. It went wrong.
You are in a new relationship. It seems right. You fear that it is wrong, or may go wrong.
I think that this is normal.
You need to be very patient with yourself and take things slowly.
To return to the roller coaster metaphor ~ what would you do, if you visited a theme park, went on a roller coaster, and it upset and frightened you?
You could do one of three things.
~ Keep going on that ride until you got used to it and it no longer frightened you.
~ Never go on the ride again, just in case it always made you feel upset.
~ Give yourself a break, by going on lesser rides, or visiting sideshows, until you had calmed down, and then try it again.
So now, you can bring these options to your own life and say:
~ I'm not going to let my ex ruin my life; I am going to put that in the past and enjoy myself with my new man.
~ I'm never going to trust a man again, or love a man again, or enjoy myself with a man again ~ just in case he turns out to be as bad as my ex.
~ I know that there are both good and bad men out there. I'm going to move slowly this time, to make sure I don't make the same mistake again, but I am going to hope and trust that this man will be different, and that we can slowly but surely build up a strong, loving and trusting relationship.
Which is it to be?
Relationship counselling might help.
Good luck.
