Victor wrote:
"Sure - lots of married people find other people attractive, intriguing, desirable .. alot of those are natural feelings that cannot be helped. But going down that road, trying to get to know that "other" individual a little better - that is a big mistake that is clearly avoidable in my mind."
And:
"Again I disagree - and perhaps this has as much to do with definitions as anything. Using my definition above, love involves an enormous emotional committment - more of a "melding" of two individuals - so falling in love with another individual outside of marriage - even just "emotionally" and not physically, is still a huge breech of the love "contract" in my book."
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Victor:
I think you're looking at this with your mind rather than your heart. It's said that the longest twelve inches in the world is the distance between your brain and your heart.
Marriages - even healthy ones - go through valleys. You can't be on top of the mountain all of the time. I can't, anyway. And I feel that at a time like this, if the circumstances are right, you can fall in love with another woman.
Tell me you're immune to a beautiful woman, Victor. Tell me that a woman in a form fitting dress, with long hair, big eyes and a killer smile doesn't do you in. And when she walks by, you smell her perfume or her hair. And when she looks at you there's a twinkle in her eye. And to make things more difficult, she admires you and respects you greatly. She hangs on your every word.
Now, suppose you're around her every day at work, and after a while you realize how amazing she is. She's smart, sexy and has an amazing personality. And hey...she likes philosophy, wine and cooking...and so do you!!
And lets say that you start to have lunch together and sometimes a quick drink together after work, and after a few weeks you realize that you can't stop thinking about her at all.
She drives you crazy, so you decide to tell her how you feel about her. And to your surprise, she tells you that she is in love with you.
You find your heart pounding because you can't believe your ears. This goddess feels the same way as you do, but you're married. Your wife, who has been there and put up with you all these years, who has been your greatest strength and supporter for half of your life, doesn't enter into your mind at that moment. All you think about is this woman who makes you feel so good and so alive.
And that's when you walk away, because if you kiss her...you're a dead man!
So tell me Victor...tell me this couldn't happen to any one of us married men. Remember, Samson was brought down by the beauty of a woman.
Women can be magical, as you know. And I just feel that given the right circumstances, when everything is in the right place, you can fall in love with another woman. I'm not even remotely suggesting that I believe in crossing the line, but love is indeed possible.
And to be honest with you, it doesn't have to be a bad thing either. Women are the most wonderful thing we have on this planet, and I think we should love them all.
And J-bo...I'm not suggesting that this is something to do for excitement. But it is something to do for the joy of loving.
