From Argyll:
Quote:
I do think that it's wrong to cheat on one's partner. And I think that trust is one of the most important aspects of a partnership. However, how does one stop oneself falling in love with someone else, if one already has a partner?"

You can't.
I disagree with this assertion - depending of course on one's definition of love. To me, love is alot more than the puppy love of teens, or lust that may be the predominant feeling early in a relation. To me, not to be too hokey here, love is much more about intimate trust, companionship, a promise to grow old together, a true union - in which all decisions and considerations are made in terms of what is best for the union, not what is best for one individual. So to me - avoiding love is easy - because it entails a progression of a relationship. Sure - lots of married people find other people attractive, intriguing, desirable .. alot of those are natural feelings that cannot be helped. But going down that road, trying to get to know that "other" individual a little better - that is a big mistake that is clearly avoidable in my mind.

Argyll again:
Quote:
I would venture to guess that there are many people that have been married for a while who fall in love with someone other than thier spouse. ....But, as long as it doesn't cross into physical love making, it harms nobody.
Again I disagree - and perhaps this has as much to do with definitions as anything. Using my definition above, love involves an enormous emotional committment - more of a "melding" of two individuals - so falling in love with another individual outside of marriage - even just "emotionally" and not physically, is still a huge breech of the love "contract" in my book. Trust is not just about trusting your partner to not have a physical affair - its about trusting your partner to be emotionally committed to the marriage - its about having no questions or doubts about your partner's motive or inner thinking. So if somebody finds themselves emotionally in love - which is not just looking at somebody and finding them attractive - but actually confiding in somebody, sharing inner thoughts with somebody outside of marriage - that is a big violation in my book - and certainly is a red flag about the state of the marriage.

gotta go - football on.