it must be very hard for a youngster to suddenly have to share the father he has had to himself for a number of years ~ and not even with his own mother, but with someone who he feels has invaded the family.
As for the dresser.
Who actually owns it?
Was it just part of the general furniture that was in the home when he was a boy?
Who bought it?
Did it actually belong to him?
Was it bought specifically for him?
Did his mother own or buy it?
Does he have good reason to believe that he has more right to it than you do?
Many years before I met Hubby, but well after his divorce from Sonny's mother, he dated a woman with a daughter for many years. They didn't live together (which as you rightly point out
has been a huge issue for me & hubby & sonny), but they talked about it.
They ended up breaking up because of arguments about child discipline. She felt that Hubby simply wasn't disciplining Sonny at all, and it was unfair to her daughter to live up to a stricter set of standards; how could living together or a marriage work with such different parenting styles?
When I first heard that from Hubby and from mutual friends, I felt so sorry for Hubby & marvelled at how manipulative Sonny was. Now I can see it a bit more from Sonny's perspective, and I marvel at Hubby's ability to deny or ignore criticism... strange...
The dresser was given to Hubby and Ex-wife to use for Sonny; it would then have been used for any other children they might have had (but didn't).
When Sonny finally moved out, burning bridges with me and to a lesser extent with Hubby, I later painted the dresser and we have used it in the guest bedroom.
Two years ago, I found Sonny's old lawn chair from childhood. I spent two days straight cleaning it and sewing on new padded cushions, so we could give it to granddaughter, since it might have sentimental value for them. I've also made sure that anything of Sonny's that turned up during closet reorganizing was given to him.
If circumstances were different, and Sonny & d.-in-l. asked for dresser, we'd say "fine." They apparently either don't understand or don't "own" the fact that he left this house under a dark cloud, burned an awful lot of bridges, and has never apologized. D.-in-l has bought all of Sonny's stories about "evil stepmother" and has never once, in all this time, pulled me aside and asked about the past or asked if there is a "fix" for the situation.
I don't care one whit about the actual dresser. It's the idea that I'm somehow a crummy person, "hoarding" what should be Sonny's property, that irritates me.
I sometimes think that the two of them see Hubby as a bottomless pool of resources for them (but with me standing in the way); whether that reflects a "first entitlement" issue or just sheer "cluelessness," I don't know.
Sad to say, but if Hubby dies before me, Sonny and D.-in-l will have the surprise of their lives, in terms of allocation of our resources. I would set up an inheritance for Granddaughter, for when I die, but those two won't see a dime. ("Revenge of the 'Evil' Stepmother" -- it is a silly but calming fantasy for me)
Then there's the further issue that Sonny never, ever asks Hubby if he needs a hand with anything, if he's given a thought to retirement, if he wants to come over and spend the day, etc. Hubby always initiates a visit. On Father's Day, Hubby is lucky to get a mere phone call -- no card or gift.
Sorry -- I believe I'm off and running on another rant about them!
