The thing is, both of you are probably hurting just now and it's difficult to know how things will work out, or what might be the best outcome for each of you.
It's good that you are having the counselling. This could help either way, I'm sure.
I agree with four keets about taking care of yourself and keeping positive and active in things that interest you.
As I said, it would be interesting to hear his angle on all this.
Both of you may well be in the right & in the wrong. This is what often happens when people argue & fall out.
I have put together an imaginary summary from his viewpoint, based on what you have said.
Read it and have a think.
Could it possibly be how he is feeling?
How would you react to something like this if you were replying on here.
[quote=imaginarysummary]I am Scandinavian & my ex-girlfiend is Chinese. We lived together for almost a three years & planned to spend our lives together, but in July, while I was working away and she was visiting family, I broke up with her.
We had just had an argument on the phone ~ one of many throughout our relationship. She always pushes to get her own way ~ though she thinks it's me who is stubborn! I told her that I cannot be pushed.
I realised that our relationship would have to end. I was straight with her and told her that it was over and we would not get back together.
I'm a fairly quiet person and I realised while we were apart that I could no longer cope with all the drama. I didn’t want to be harsh on her, but she was still acting just like before, though she said that she had changed ~ pushing to get her own way. But my opinion matters too. One cannot be pushed into loving someone. She has to accept my opinion, even if she doesn’t agree with it.
I realise that I had given her no sign of the break up; indeed I had written letters to her, saying how much I loved her and would always love her. I didn't know then how I would feel while we were apart ~ that I would realise that the emotional pressure was too much for me.
She is a sweet girl ~ & popular ~ but we fought from the very beginning. At first, it didn't matter. I thought that true love drives people crazy and believed that things would change.
I have sometimes said that I stopped loving her a while ago ~ but maybe it was just the emotional behaviour. She would scream & shout for attention, even in the supermarket. People must have thought that I was maltreating her. I forgave her. At Christmas, she packed her bags and left. That was when I first thought that our relationship might have to end, but I forgave her again and she came back.
Now I've been able to think, and to experience time without the arguments. I realised, quite suddenly, that we must break up. I don't think that she can change her ways, which means arguments all the way.
I tend to relent when I see her, which is why I had to do this while there was space between us. When she flew out to see me, I could not allow myself to give in, so I shouted at her to leave.
This must be hard on her but I have to end it. She was so mad and upset that she started making threats. She says that her heart is broken, but I cannot change my mind now and I cannot be forced to continue a love affair that is not right for us.[/quote]
As I said, it's just imaginary, but it is based on some things that you said and it might enable us all to see things from different angles and to try to understand and respond to both sides.
I wish you both well. You both sound as if you are very nice people ~ who may just need some relationship counselling. :)
