Hello Katie Sue
I don't think that you are the only person to have been in this situation.
My Mum had a friend who was in love with two boys at the same trime. When one of then was in a car accident, she suddenly realised who was right for her.
Maybe it would be possible for you to live with
either of these young men, for the rest of you life, but which one couldn't you live
without?
I think that you are right ~ that the "neither of them, right now" option is 'the smartest'. To say that you can't do this because you are 'awful at being alone' isn't really a good argument against. As for not wanting 'to hurt both of them' ~ well, one of them is likely to be hurt, anyway.
If you went back to J, would you go back to feeling frustrated at his behaviour and leave him again?
Are you in love with him?
Or do you want to go back to him, as if he were a comfort blanket?
It sounds as if you aren't in love with him, because you are not attacted to him. It sounds as if you love him, but are not
in love with him.
Trying to sort this out 'in the middle of finals week' simply isn't going to happen ~ you have too much on your mind.
Try to take time out from these romantic entanglements and sort out your exams first.
When exam pressure is off, think again, then, about your romantic future. It may be that neither of these men is to be the one you will spend the rest of your life with.
Consider:
'I have the potential, the emotional openness, and attraction to T but not the history or the (immediate) level of comfort.'This says that, in spite of all T has to offer, you still want to go back to J.
'I'm much more sexually attracted to T (the new guy) than I am to J (the ex)'So, you are considering going back to, and spending your life with, someone you are not attracted to sexually, and who doesn't offer what T offers.
If you would give up one man for another; yet the other is the one you are not attracted to, then I don't see how you can be ready to settle down with either of them.
I can understand why you feel awful about this, but get your priorities sorted out and concentrate on finals for now.
Then decide whether you really want one of these men as a life partner, or whether you just don't want to be alone.
Maybe you should wait a while, before making decisions about your future.
Good luck!
