To add a few obvious thoughts that came to me later:
1) obviously I have the option of "neither of them, right now" which I know is the smartest option, but I have to be honest with myself. I'm awful at being alone. And I don't want to hurt both of them.
2) I know this sounds like a stupid problem to have, but I'm really surprised by how much it's hurting me. I constantly feel like a jerk about the whole thing, like I'm giving them both the run-around even though I really don't want to. I change my mind seventy bajillion times a day, and every time I look into either J or T's face I imagine a different future for myself. If I got back together with J I'd probably be engaged within a month or two, and if I stayed with T I know it wouldn't take him as long to be able to discuss our future as it took J to come around. So this is, essentially, like picking the person I want to spend the rest of my life with.
That sounds so very stupid, typing it out like that, but that's how it feels. And it's eating up all of my energy and brain power...
