On the forum list, Lisa Shea's words regarding this topic are: "Sometimes having a 'romantic' relationship can affect your relationships with family and friends."

In my case, the issue is more or less the reverse --- some family relationships are affecting my marriage, quite badly; in particular, it's my husband's son ("Sonny") and his wife that are an endless thorn in my side and an endless source of conflict for hubby and me.

I've had two disturbing realizations lately that are depressing me: (1) I don't want to spend the rest of my life arguing with hubby about Sonny's bad behavior and how it will not, so help me, negatively impact me any more; (2) Sonny's bad behavior and hubby's acceptance (and even defense) of it are never, ever going to end.

So my question for anyone who has advice about this is: How do I know where/when to give up? When is enough enough?

The only way to never have to deal with horrid Sonny is to divorce my husband; I do not want this to happen, but I simply cannot tolerate one more second of stress, conflict, and the sense of impending doom.

If we stay together, then we have to reach an "agree to disagree" point where hubby can have whatever relationship he wants with Sonny but it can not impact me. How to get to that point, I don't know. (An example would be if Sonny and his Enabler Wife split up, and Sonny thinks he can live with us for awhile or asks us for money--- either of these are completely out of the question, for me -- been there, done that, been bit in the butt for our efforts.

I am looking for a family counselor, in the hope that maybe a professional can give hubby & me ideas for negotiating a peaceful treaty. My not-so-hidden agenda, too, is that he/she could get hubby to realize that it is unfair to let his son victimize his spouse, and that sometimes confrontation is inevitable.

For my part, I simply don't understand why hubby can't just draw the line with Sonny; it seems like either cowardice or fear of emotional blackmail (if he criticizes Sonny he'll never get to see granddaughter again?).

Thanks for listening & I look forward to advice... I am so tired, tired, tired of this mess & it occurs to me that there may be plenty of good ideas "out there" that I'm just too fried to think of...