Hiya,
First time poster, first time reader too :P
(Skip to line for short version)
This will probably be quite lengthy so kudos to those who read it all, and apologies if I've wasted your time with my small time problems :P
I'd just like to say before I start that I've never done something like this, so please be easy on me. The reason why I'm posting here is because I was googling "Dealing with Jealousy" and it lead me here as it were. You see (well not yet) the reason why I was googling that topic is because I've gotten into a rather difficult position with a (lets say a friend of the opposite gender) friend of mine.
Before I get to the actual issue, I think it best if I describe myself. I'm 17, I've just finished my high-school year (In Australia) and have already been offered a course in mechanical engineering for uni. Anyway, I'm rather smart, and highly analytical (I think this is my undoing) I find it hard to open up to others (Till I post this) and thus, even harder to trust others, I have a very loose relationship with my family, they hardly know me, at home I'm very quiet. Yet at school or while I'm out I tend to be quite boisterous, this is had gotten the attention of many fine young ladies (I've never had a girlfriend, or been in a relationship) which, sadly I've never been able to develop feelings for any of them. I've felt alone since a young age, and still am, sometimes I just think I'm a very hormonal male :P, or a drama queen. Many of my male counterparts try to 'hook me up' but I deliberately beat around the bush with them, I'm simply not looking for a relationship like that, I crave an emotional relationship none of that one night stand crap (which they seem to think I want).
Sorry, got abit off topic.
Anyway, three years ago I met this girl (yeah yeah, it's how it always starts isn't it?) She's a very inquisitive person and thus when she talked to me I figured she was intrested in me (She wasn't) We'd talk online for ages, and for 2 years I never told her I felt, and when I did she pulled the just friends thing (Kinda an issue for us). This continued for another year, our relationship progressed healthily and I knew that I'd found someone that could understand me. Anyway, a couple of months ago we had a really big fight that lasted for 4months, I thought I was over her, I was over her and I knew that I could start living happily again (we grew far too dependent on each other, or perhaps that was just me). One night she spoke to me (via msn, we do alot of that all nighters and such) asking how I was and other small talk, she said she needed me, that I was missed, that things didnt feel right. I however felt differently, I was free of her, you know? I felt like my life could come back together and I could be happy again. Yet, for whatever possessed me to do so, I lied to her for the first time (I'm a bad liar, and she knows it) I told her that I missed her too ect... After that we grew closer again, closer than before. (I thought I was strong enough to just be friends with her, albeit close ones) I wasn't, and I despised her for it, opening old wounds and seemingly being purposely insensitive. (She started dating my friend, from the same group we hang out in, yes she was dating a friend) I told her I needed time to think, that I was hurt because she seemingly lied to me and used me until she could find someone else that was 'better'. Anyway, a couple of weeks later she called me crying, telling me that she was sorry for hurting me, that she couldn't stand to loose me (That she was sorry for not being there while I was 'changing'). Despite all that, she's still going out with this guy.
That's not the end of it either,
You see, he doesn't talk much (to her) and hardly ever does anything for her (She's told me she feels like he doesn't care), he doesn't treat her right, and yet she's still going out with him, I think it's because she's a highly curious person and wants to 'figure him out'. When they're around each other, it's incredibly frigged, things are strained and all he wants to do is 'get with her' (He's a player). It's like, he wants her to do all the work in the relationship and get all the good stuff that comes with it.
Anyway, heres where I come in.
Things were pretty rocky with him and her for awhile (He went away for 2 weeks on holiday) and as girls do, she shifted her attention to me once again, I was seeing her almost every night/day (One of her friends was with us). A couple of nights I'd stay over at her house, or she'd stay over at mine. Things got real close (We didn't 'sleep' with each-other). Now, when I said I've felt alone, I'd always dreamed of just being able to hold someone and comfort them, she gave me that for a week (I'm not sure if she knows how much that meant to me, she's over-affectionate sometimes and doesn't think) Anyway, he came back from his holidays and I heard nothing from her for two days (No I didn't suffocate her with texts and such). I figured I'd give them some space, anyway she came over one night and we were going to bed, she talked to me about all the things she was worried about concerning her relationship with this guy) She was lying on my chest and once again told me that she needed me, that I shouldn't ever 'stop my heartbeat for her'. At this point I started stroking her arm because she asked me too, after awhile I noticed she was shaking? Shivering? So I stopped, thinking I shouldn't do something that would overstep boundaries. She asked me to keep going, (I think I gave her butterflies or something, could someone explain this to me?) Anyway, I stopped after about 1hour of it, and asked her if she wanted me to move to the couch or something. She didn't want me too, and we talked for awhile.
---------------------------------------------------------------
The next day she left early, and spent the entire day with her boyfriend, and ignored me for the next week and a bit. (we had a valedictoy a few parties and such) At those parties they'd both be there, talking to each other uneasily, (She seemed cranky, thought ridden and confused). I'd come over and things would be natural, we could've talked the whole time and it would've been easy. Things have been seeming to spark between us like they haven't before. Yet, we couldn't because her boyfriend (also my "friend") would come over and it'd be all uneasy again and I'd just leave and go off to try talk to other girls (She'd eavesdropped on me).
Anyway, when her boyfriend left, she immediately seemed interested in me once again (Why do girls do this? It makes us feel like [censored] you know). I know she's been having trouble making time for me and her boyfriend separately, but it seems as if when things aren't right between her and him she just comes to me and then buggers off when they're fine again.
Anyway, things have been weird between us since that night, I think I know why, but I'm not sure. Could it have been because she saw potential in our relationship to go further? And thus felt guilty, so she's been over the top with her boyfriend (inviting herself over)? I've tried to talk to her about it, but she's made up some crap excuses, like she's trying to deny it. It's screwing with my head, I don't know what she wants ( I don't think she does either) and I sure as hell know that I wont be able to find anyone else while I'm friend with her. I do the things that her boyfriend wont do for her, if you saw us in public you'd think we'd be going out.
I just want to know whether I should get my hopes up or not?
Thanks,
Fer.
(I'm not sure if I've made myself clear so just tell me if I havent and I'll explain)
