I think you're quite correct to get counseling for your feelings regarding your place within your family, and for your jealousy.
Jealousy can be quite inappropriate, as it is always a person's choice to be in a relationship - no matter how long it has gone on.
Yet, in this relationship, I really have no expectation that you can recover your closeness - if, indeed, you ever had a real, healthy relationship. Sounds like it was codependent and doomed, from the start - to me.
You have issues, but so does she. She, like all of us, wants attention and love, and without someone treating her like a prisoner.
You want to have someone love you uncritically and unconditionally and be there for you, and you want to be able to trust them. But since you find that hard to do, you have to check up on that person, and try to change that person.
I advise you to continue your counseling; continue growing as a person; and move on with your life. Join some group activities, and learn to interact with people.
In a couple of years, maybe you will be more ready to hold up your end of an open, trusting relationship.
