Hi everyone,
First of I'm new to these forums but I hope I can get some advice form some of you. I'm compleately heart broken, my girlfriend decided after two and a half years of dating that she wants a break (she said that then, but now she says we're broken up).
Her reasoning was that I'm to jealous and "controlling", and yeah I agree with her. However I think she might be taking things out of proportions and making it a bigger deal than it is. Thats how I feel.
over the past year we've had some fights, we never used to, but my jealousy really began when I read some of her text messages while she was sleeping one night. Yes I know, bad on my part, but her phone kept buzzing so I was going to tell whoever it was that she was sleeping. I saw the texts and woke her up, I was angry, scared, I just didn't know what to think, the texts this guy was sending her were inappropriate. And at that time she thought I would break up with her, but I loved her to much to do that and forgave her and the incident (or so I thought). This always made me anxious as to who she was texting. I guess one thing we should have done was talk about it. Some 8 or 9 months later we had a some troubles again. This time was almost the same thing... except she kind of started falling for the guy while still being in love with me. She said that she had started to feel like i was going to take her no where in life and this other guy had his mind and life on the right track. Things got a little out of hand and I "took" her cell phone away. I never intended it to be a permenant thing but she took it that way, I only really wanted to not think about that phone for the day so that we could work things out without it coming up. But she just couldn't let it go and almost broke up with me then. I realize I was wrong and only did that out of anger, but it made me feel less important in her eyes when all she could do was think about that damn phone... We resolved our issue and talked things through... sort of. I opened my heart up and confided many things about my past and my feelings towards my family, which at the time (and still now) I don't feel close enough to. She told me that she firlts with other guys (wether or not shes with someone) to get attention and she always has. Things worked themselves out for a few months after, until the more recent weeks.
We had planned to move in together (into her parents house for the time being) but one day she all of a sudden got upset and told me that she didn't think it was going to be a good idea because she thought that I would be there controlling her, looking at her personal things, messages, and invade her personal space. I reassured her that I wasn't going to do anything like that, I had learned my leason from the previous major fight, and I never wanted to look into her private things again. She finally calmed down and began thinking it would be alright. However, I don't think she fully believed it.
During this time she told me she began talking a lot to this new guy friend of hers, to which I said "thats fine" which I really meant. I didn't want the jealous side of me to come out again. Also at this time (and this is where the really stupid part begins) she had borrowed a jacket from a co worker, to which she told it was a girl co worker. It was at least a little over a week that she had this jacket, and one day I jokingly asked if she was ever going to give it back to the person. I then asked who's it was again cause I forgot, to which she finally told me it was this guy friend she's been talking a lot with lately. I didn't know what to do... I became quiet and non talketive, and she tried to make it seem like nothing was wrong at all by telling me she had a good sleep the night before cause I was there with her, or holding my arm while we were at the grocery store and all the while I acted like an ass. I felt so bad afterwards because she was showing me feelings that she usually would. She finally asked me what was wrong and why I was acting so weird and I came out and told her that she lied about the jacket and I didn't like it. She got angry about it and we talked about it and she told me she knew I would get mad about her having the jacket if she had said it was this guy friends jacket. I told her I wouldn't have like it but I wouldn't have gotten mad if she told me the truth in the first place. This is when the trouble majorly began. I told her how stupid it was for me to get mad over a jacket and that I just wanted her to maybe want my jacket insted, and all I wanted her to do was be honest with me. But she just kept saying that she knows I would have gotten mad and that I'm way too jealous. I realized that I have a problem and began looking up things on the internet about over coming jealousy to show her that I could change for the both of us. I had decided to show her that I could express my feelings as well so I decided to write her a letter saying how I felt about certain things that she does, Like the texting and so on. I think she took it the wrong way as she started telling me that she was going to give the jacket back and not talk to other guys, and text or call me whenever she was away. I told her thats not what I was trying to say in the letter because I knew that she finds me controlling, and I was not trying to control her. I told her this but she kept thinking that if I were to move in at this point she would be stuck with my jealous ways and would not be able to get out of it. I tried to comfort her again and it seemed to be working but the next day she seemed angry again. I just didn't know what to do or say anymore. I tried my best and it was just not good enough. I went to see her later in the day and thats when she said that she couldn't take it anymore, and it was making her sick ( I guess maybe I should have mentioned that she has anxiety so the stress from this seemed to make her anxiety worse) and she wanted a break from it and didn't want us to be together. I'm not going to lie, I cried worse than I ever did as a kid... all night. I've been depressed for the past few days and I've even started to go to counceling to get my jealousy under control because she said that we cant be together until we're both better. I've been texting her since the break up trying to talk about what happened and showing her that I am seeking help so that she knows that I'm telling the truth. I just don't know wheather its making a difference or not. Theres moments when she seems to know we can work things through but then she gets to thinking that I will never change in the way that I need to. I don't know wether its good to be talking to her, but i just cant not talk to her. I just want her back but I don't know how to get her to realize that shes the best thing thats ever happened to me and I'm the best thing thats happened to her without her thinking that I'm going to hurt her again. I just don't know what to do.... and I'm sorry for the ong read but I just want to talk to someone other than a therapist or family memebrs or friends.
