I care, I don't know you but I care very much. I was where you are so many times in my life. I tried to committ suicide four times. That was many years ago and I was desolate in my sadness. I had the same feelings that you have expressed. I can only share a few thoughts with you. I realize that if I had succedded I would have passed that same pain on to my mother and father and my children. I wouldn't have wished those feelings on anyone. I also realize that it was impossible to be objective about my pain and my feelings because I was in the depths of a "black" depression brought on by divorce,betrayal,drugs,and alchohol. I even thought that God had betrayed me. I also realize that if I had succeeded, I would have immediately wanted another chance. I also realize that I was letting what other people did to me affect my love for myself. When I started caring for myself, slowly but surely life was better. I remember one friend thinking more of me than I did myself. That friend was like a beacon. I am so glad I was able to be here and touch others lives. I know I have made a difference. I know it has made a difference in my life to touch those lives. At my lowest one time, I went to a hospital for an appointment and I was really disheartened about my family falling apart and I didn't know what to do. I pressed the wrong button when I got on the elavator and accidently had to go to the top floor and back down to the lobby before I could get off. While I was on the elavator several children got on in wheelchairs. They were all cancer patients. They were just little kids that hadn't even begun to live and were in a fight for their young lives. By the time I got off of that elavator, I was looking at my life in a much different light. I had a renewed determination, so to speak. I realized that I could overcome any of the things that were making me sad and discouraged, but these kids had a serious fight for their lives on their hands. It made me realize just how precious my life was. Whenever I am depressed about how things are going in my life I remember that day and what that experience did to my perspective. I suddenly was looking at my life in a different way and it looked different. It is so true that "Things are not always as they seem, but as we perceive them to be". That is not to say, all things will be different just because of how we look at them but all things are affected by how we look at them. I hope I did not overwhelm you with words. My intention was to overwhelm you with love and hope.
