RomanceClass.com Forums Romance Breaking Up this is so hard..

im sorry for the multiple posts. i just feel crumier and crumier and i feel like this is the only way to vent.
everyone tells me i should end it. that i deserve better. even she said that i deserve better. yet i always find myself brushing all the things she does under the rug.
i understand that i did this earlier in the relationship so im trying to be understanding.
but never have i crossed this line
never would i throw away this relationship just because i was feeling stressed.
I DO DESERVE BETTER.
but why is it that i just want to be with her?
even if she hurts me this badly..
my roommate, my friends, they all tell me that if a girl makes you feel this bad than its just not worth it.
why do i find myself always trying than?
im so pathetic right now.

i just want to find a rebound girl. i feel as if i do that than i'll finally be able to accept that its over. but at the same time i want her to feel like i felt, which in other words is spite, which i know its bad.
it just sucks that shes able to kiss a guy, but im stuck here not wanting to get physical with girls afraid of that being the deciding factor on whether we get back together.
if she always figured we would get back together than she wouldn't have done that...
GOD. IM SO xxxxxx RIGHT NOW AND UPSET.
MY FEELINGS ARE SO JUMBLED.

i came up with a plan last next to shut my phone off and use another phone number for the week.
after i thought about it, i felt as if i could do it.
than ignoring her would be a piece of cake.
two hours later i already had a itch to turn on my phone
to see if she texted or called
she didnt...
why do i hold this little hope that we'll get out this stronger?
.......even though i repeat it, and i should realize it, i'll never fully accept that its over.
but i should, cause it feels that way.
why am i in this?
why am i trying for a girl that doesnt want it?
why why why?