Hi marioman
I'm going to respond before reading the other answers.
First, though, welcome to the forum ~ I hope that you will find it helpful
I've noticed that there are a number of threads, where a male is upset because his girlfriend has had enough of him being jealous & controlling.
And I do know men who really are that way. They control the way their partners dress, where they go, who they go with, etc. They are jealous with absolutely no reason, because their partners don't do anything to warrant the jealousy.
And there are those who trust their partners to talk to anyone & go anywhere, because they are sure that they can trust their partners.
Then there are the men in the middle. They
would trust their partners,
if they felt that the partners could be trusted ~ but there are reasons why they doubt. Once the doubt has set in, anything can cause jealousy to rear its head.
Yes, girls and men flirt. It doesn't have to mean anything. But sometimes it does.
When the inappropriate texts were arriving, was she responding to them? Was she friendly with the man? Or did she make it clear that he and his texts were unwelcome? Was this the same chap that she started falling for later?
She is now friendly with another man and you are not sure how innocent it is ~ or whether she will fall for him. She has borrowed his jacket, which may be innocent enough, but why did she lie about it? What made her think that you would be angry about it?
Because you were angry when she started receiving inappropriate texts and falling for another man?
I have said this to the other young men in your position who have posted on here. Jealousy is a destructive emotion, which will harm any relationship, but if girls don't want their men to become jealous, then they shouldn't do things to make their men jealous.
If my husband kept receiving inappropriate texts from a girl, but did nothing to stop them, and then it happened again, some months later, and he said that he was falling for the girl, and then, a bit later, he become very friendly with another girl, and brought her coat home, and then became angry, if I said anything about it, accusing me of jealousy and controlling behaviour, then I would consider that our relationship had serious problems.
Of course I would feel jealous, confused and upset in such a situation. Who wouldn't?
In this situation, a couple would have to consider whether both parties really still loved each other.
They would have to look into the question of why one of the partners is seeking the company of others.
Your jealousy may be understandable, but why do you think your girl needs the company of other men so much? (Does she have female friends, too?)
Why does she need to flirt with them, be especially friendly with them, receive inappropriate texts from them, borrow their clothes, start falling for them?
I think that it is perfectly possible for girls & boys to be friendly, but in this case something is wrong. Neither of you is happy with the situation.
You do not seem to be providing her with the companionship that she craves. Whether this is to do with your personality, or hers, I cannot say. Maybe you are simply incompatible.
She is making you doubt her loyalty, to you and the relationship. Neither of you is happy about this, either.
Counselling is good, but, if the relationship is to succeeed, I think that you may both need to see the counsellor. I wish you luck with this
Maybe it won't succeed. Maybe this is for the best, if it is making both of you unhappy. If this is the case, remember, as with any grief, time helps to heal and, long-term, you will be happier with someone who is your soul-mate, rather than someone with whom a relationship cannot work.
You don't say how old you are, but sometimes one's age can affect things. People change.
Edit: I read your later post and see that you are in your ealy 20s. It's at this age that people can change quite a bit I think.Good luck & take care
