Hi everyone,

First of I'm new to these forums but I hope I can get some advice form some of you. I'm compleately heart broken, my girlfriend decided after two and a half years of dating that she wants a break (she said that then, but now she says we're broken up).

Her reasoning was that I'm to jealous and "controlling", and yeah I agree with her. However I think she might be taking things out of proportions and making it a bigger deal than it is. Thats how I feel.

over the past year we've had some fights, we never used to, but my jealousy really began when I read some of her text messages while she was sleeping one night. Yes I know, bad on my part, but her phone kept buzzing so I was going to tell whoever it was that she was sleeping. I saw the texts and woke her up, I was angry, scared, I just didn't know what to think, the texts this guy was sending her were inappropriate. And at that time she thought I would break up with her, but I loved her to much to do that and forgave her and the incident (or so I thought). This always made me anxious as to who she was texting. I guess one thing we should have done was talk about it. Some 8 or 9 months later we had a some troubles again. This time was almost the same thing... except she kind of started falling for the guy while still being in love with me. She said that she had started to feel like i was going to take her no where in life and this other guy had his mind and life on the right track. Things got a little out of hand and I "took" her cell phone away. I never intended it to be a permenant thing but she took it that way, I only really wanted to not think about that phone for the day so that we could work things out without it coming up. But she just couldn't let it go and almost broke up with me then. I realize I was wrong and only did that out of anger, but it made me feel less important in her eyes when all she could do was think about that damn phone... We resolved our issue and talked things through... sort of. I opened my heart up and confided many things about my past and my feelings towards my family, which at the time (and still now) I don't feel close enough to. She told me that she firlts with other guys (wether or not shes with someone) to get attention and she always has. Things worked themselves out for a few months after, until the more recent weeks.

We had planned to move in together (into her parents house for the time being) but one day she all of a sudden got upset and told me that she didn't think it was going to be a good idea because she thought that I would be there controlling her, looking at her personal things, messages, and invade her personal space. I reassured her that I wasn't going to do anything like that, I had learned my leason from the previous major fight, and I never wanted to look into her private things again. She finally calmed down and began thinking it would be alright. However, I don't think she fully believed it.

During this time she told me she began talking a lot to this new guy friend of hers, to which I said "thats fine" which I really meant. I didn't want the jealous side of me to come out again. Also at this time (and this is where the really stupid part begins) she had borrowed a jacket from a co worker, to which she told it was a girl co worker. It was at least a little over a week that she had this jacket, and one day I jokingly asked if she was ever going to give it back to the person. I then asked who's it was again cause I forgot, to which she finally told me it was this guy friend she's been talking a lot with lately. I didn't know what to do... I became quiet and non talketive, and she tried to make it seem like nothing was wrong at all by telling me she had a good sleep the night before cause I was there with her, or holding my arm while we were at the grocery store and all the while I acted like an ass. I felt so bad afterwards because she was showing me feelings that she usually would. She finally asked me what was wrong and why I was acting so weird and I came out and told her that she lied about the jacket and I didn't like it. She got angry about it and we talked about it and she told me she knew I would get mad about her having the jacket if she had said it was this guy friends jacket. I told her I wouldn't have like it but I wouldn't have gotten mad if she told me the truth in the first place. This is when the trouble majorly began. I told her how stupid it was for me to get mad over a jacket and that I just wanted her to maybe want my jacket insted, and all I wanted her to do was be honest with me. But she just kept saying that she knows I would have gotten mad and that I'm way too jealous. I realized that I have a problem and began looking up things on the internet about over coming jealousy to show her that I could change for the both of us. I had decided to show her that I could express my feelings as well so I decided to write her a letter saying how I felt about certain things that she does, Like the texting and so on. I think she took it the wrong way as she started telling me that she was going to give the jacket back and not talk to other guys, and text or call me whenever she was away. I told her thats not what I was trying to say in the letter because I knew that she finds me controlling, and I was not trying to control her. I told her this but she kept thinking that if I were to move in at this point she would be stuck with my jealous ways and would not be able to get out of it. I tried to comfort her again and it seemed to be working but the next day she seemed angry again. I just didn't know what to do or say anymore. I tried my best and it was just not good enough. I went to see her later in the day and thats when she said that she couldn't take it anymore, and it was making her sick ( I guess maybe I should have mentioned that she has anxiety so the stress from this seemed to make her anxiety worse) and she wanted a break from it and didn't want us to be together. I'm not going to lie, I cried worse than I ever did as a kid... all night. I've been depressed for the past few days and I've even started to go to counceling to get my jealousy under control because she said that we cant be together until we're both better. I've been texting her since the break up trying to talk about what happened and showing her that I am seeking help so that she knows that I'm telling the truth. I just don't know wheather its making a difference or not. Theres moments when she seems to know we can work things through but then she gets to thinking that I will never change in the way that I need to. I don't know wether its good to be talking to her, but i just cant not talk to her. I just want her back but I don't know how to get her to realize that shes the best thing thats ever happened to me and I'm the best thing thats happened to her without her thinking that I'm going to hurt her again. I just don't know what to do.... and I'm sorry for the ong read but I just want to talk to someone other than a therapist or family memebrs or friends.

been there many times and it never gets any easier.

The thing is that, it seems like there could be hope for things to work out, but I'm just so stressed at trying to get her to work with me. Should I give more space or should I keep trying?

How old are you guys? I think that makes a difference in that things in life are so much different at say 18-20 than say 30-40. Sorry I don't know what to say..breaking up is really hard, it like a stab in the heart if you really care about the other person.Time will help ease the heartache,maybe you do need a break from each other to get your heads straight. And it may be a cliche but I think it's true- If you love something set it free, if it comes back to you it's yours, if it doesn't it never was. What you wrote about reminded me of this song. I think it was written with your situation in mind, ever hear Hold on Loosely by 38 Special?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rsSUMNCkLek
Good luck with whatever you two decide. Life is just so damn tough some times Hang in there

I think you're quite correct to get counseling for your feelings regarding your place within your family, and for your jealousy.

Jealousy can be quite inappropriate, as it is always a person's choice to be in a relationship - no matter how long it has gone on.

Yet, in this relationship, I really have no expectation that you can recover your closeness - if, indeed, you ever had a real, healthy relationship. Sounds like it was codependent and doomed, from the start - to me.

You have issues, but so does she. She, like all of us, wants attention and love, and without someone treating her like a prisoner.

You want to have someone love you uncritically and unconditionally and be there for you, and you want to be able to trust them. But since you find that hard to do, you have to check up on that person, and try to change that person.

I advise you to continue your counseling; continue growing as a person; and move on with your life. Join some group activities, and learn to interact with people.

In a couple of years, maybe you will be more ready to hold up your end of an open, trusting relationship.

Thanks for the replys guys, were both in our early twenties if that makes things easier to diagnose. I'm just... so depressed about this situation. To Carl... we did have a completely healthy relationship for the most part, even during the times in between the major fights. We never fought about anything, literaly. We talked about marriage constantly, and living together before hand. I know that I should give her space to think things through, but its just so hard right now.... I'm just so attached to her. Not in the clingy way (at least I don't think) but I just love her beyond belief. This is my first true love and I don't want things to end like this.

Sometimes one can be in love with being in love - if that makes any sense. You don't feel close in your own family, and that bothers you. You want to feel close in your relationship, and you don't really want to make waves.

You literally avoid fights. You try to be supportive. You talk about marriage.

And then you have major fights. Afterwards, you see that you were as much to blame as she was.

I realize you think it was a healthy relationship (for the most part). And that is the problem. From the outside looking in, it does appear to be a "clingy" kind of love that you have.

I still think your best course is to let her go her own way - love her enough to let her go and be free. And work on loving yourself.

And if it helps you, don't think of it as an ending. Think of it as a beginning - a chapter where you work on you.

Who knows? You may see her again later. I'd think that has more chance of success, however, if the ties are completely cut for now.

What right do I have to offer this advice? None. I am not a psychiatrist, psychologist, or certified in counseling.

But I have had relationships that were codependent. And I learned to live for me. And then, I met my soul mate.

Well I'll try, and thanks for the advice... Its just so hard to think that it could never be again....

I know it's hard. After a 21-year marriage, and many mistakes on my part, my wife suggested that I fly from CA back to where my birth family lived in FL, for a separation for a while.

After I arrived, I called to ask her to (1)please delay thinking of a divorce; (2) consider us meeting somewhere neutral to give me a chance to "win" her again; and to (3) ask her if there was "someone" else. She said, "There is now."

It was my supposed "best friend," who had moved into her bedroom immediately.

I can't begin to tell you the pain I felt - especially with the 3-4 hour time difference, as I lay there at night trying to sleep, and imagining him with her!

And I called, and I wrote letters, and I prayed.

I prayed that God would restore my marriage, and that he would help me to learn to love and be loved. The first prayer was answered that there was something better, and that came about after I learned some more about the second part.

I can really agree with Garth Brooks' song, "Unanswered Prayer."

Yes, it's hard, and yes, you hurt. And I do care, even though I've talked hard.

Good luck to you! And you CAN improve your luck.

Hi marioman
I'm going to respond before reading the other answers.

First, though, welcome to the forum ~ I hope that you will find it helpful

I've noticed that there are a number of threads, where a male is upset because his girlfriend has had enough of him being jealous & controlling.

And I do know men who really are that way. They control the way their partners dress, where they go, who they go with, etc. They are jealous with absolutely no reason, because their partners don't do anything to warrant the jealousy.

And there are those who trust their partners to talk to anyone & go anywhere, because they are sure that they can trust their partners.

Then there are the men in the middle. They would trust their partners, if they felt that the partners could be trusted ~ but there are reasons why they doubt. Once the doubt has set in, anything can cause jealousy to rear its head.

Yes, girls and men flirt. It doesn't have to mean anything. But sometimes it does.

When the inappropriate texts were arriving, was she responding to them? Was she friendly with the man? Or did she make it clear that he and his texts were unwelcome? Was this the same chap that she started falling for later?

She is now friendly with another man and you are not sure how innocent it is ~ or whether she will fall for him. She has borrowed his jacket, which may be innocent enough, but why did she lie about it? What made her think that you would be angry about it?
Because you were angry when she started receiving inappropriate texts and falling for another man?

I have said this to the other young men in your position who have posted on here. Jealousy is a destructive emotion, which will harm any relationship, but if girls don't want their men to become jealous, then they shouldn't do things to make their men jealous.

If my husband kept receiving inappropriate texts from a girl, but did nothing to stop them, and then it happened again, some months later, and he said that he was falling for the girl, and then, a bit later, he become very friendly with another girl, and brought her coat home, and then became angry, if I said anything about it, accusing me of jealousy and controlling behaviour, then I would consider that our relationship had serious problems.
Of course I would feel jealous, confused and upset in such a situation. Who wouldn't?

In this situation, a couple would have to consider whether both parties really still loved each other.
They would have to look into the question of why one of the partners is seeking the company of others.

Your jealousy may be understandable, but why do you think your girl needs the company of other men so much? (Does she have female friends, too?)

Why does she need to flirt with them, be especially friendly with them, receive inappropriate texts from them, borrow their clothes, start falling for them?

I think that it is perfectly possible for girls & boys to be friendly, but in this case something is wrong. Neither of you is happy with the situation.

You do not seem to be providing her with the companionship that she craves. Whether this is to do with your personality, or hers, I cannot say. Maybe you are simply incompatible.

She is making you doubt her loyalty, to you and the relationship. Neither of you is happy about this, either.

Counselling is good, but, if the relationship is to succeeed, I think that you may both need to see the counsellor. I wish you luck with this

Maybe it won't succeed. Maybe this is for the best, if it is making both of you unhappy. If this is the case, remember, as with any grief, time helps to heal and, long-term, you will be happier with someone who is your soul-mate, rather than someone with whom a relationship cannot work.

You don't say how old you are, but sometimes one's age can affect things. People change.
Edit: I read your later post and see that you are in your ealy 20s. It's at this age that people can change quite a bit I think.
Good luck & take care

Umm.. to answer some of your questions,

1. Your jealousy may be understandable, but why do you think your girl needs the company of other men so much? (Does she have female friends, too?)

She's told me that in the past, whether or not she's with a guy she would always flirt for attention, She seems to get along quite well with males rather than females and its most likely because of the flirting. AS for female friends, she does have some.... but not many.

2. Why does she need to flirt with them, be especially friendly with them, receive inappropriate texts from them, borrow their clothes, start falling for them?

As said in the first question, she craves attention and I don't know why she doesn't seem to get enough from me. I mean I'm always there for her when she needs me, she's usually the one to text me after work or when I'm done classes asking if I'm coming over right away. The same thing goes for the friendliness, she just gets along with guys better. The innapropriate texts I'm not sure of. Yes she did answer to them in the first situation, but she did nothing to really stop them until I saw them. The jacket she says was cause I wasn't around when she was cold at work so she took it, but why she kept it is what I don't get. The guy she started falling for was because he seemed to have his life on track more so than me.... and thats the reason she fell for him slightly. Other reasons was because during this time she had "woman" problems and our sex life dropped dramaticly.... She felt as though I didn't think she was beautiful enough anymore or didn't desire her, but I only never initiated sex because of her problems out of respect for her. After that fight she was better and our sex life flourished again.

As for the counsellor, yeah I think both of us would benefit from it. I've suggested couples therapy but she didn't seem interested in really talking about it when I brought it up. She's happy that I am getting councelling though. I guess its still too early on and shes still to hurt by all of this... as much as i am.

If you are both in pain, and you both want it to work, then couples therapy could be very useful.

I really want to too... I mean I've seen the errors I've made and it pains me. I hate seeing her in pain... I mean she's cried when we cant really go somewhere cause of her anxiety acting up and we have to go home... and I just hate seeing that. Right now I'm trying to give her some space to see if she talks to me or not.

Has any counselling been organised yet?

OK, carl, that song by garth brooks! OMG. When i was dating the "love of my life" in high school (yeah I know) he played that song and said it was a good thing it didn't turn out that way for us. I laughed and agreed, a month later we were broken up. Ironic I think.

Now, I think I might have some advice for you. For the most part, I think i will be echoing Carl, but in a different way. I am 18, so take what I say how you will, I know I have a lot of growing to do, but I have had to grow up real fast after my high school "sweet heart" (if you could call it that).

Story: Me at 14, never been kissed and usually the ugly duckling becomes a freshman in high school, gets a sophmore to like her and then life changes fast! I grew out of the ugly duckling and grew into myself. I became more beautiful with fleeting self confidence. This guy was perfect. At first. He was sort of popular and it made me seem more interesting. After about 2 months of dating he started to make things really serious. It frightened me because of my inexperience in anything. He started talking about love and marriage after TWO MONTHS! but i was smitten and very niave so I thought the world of him and his thoughts of a future. It felt like I had struck something more precious than anything in this world. I truly did love him. I believe he was my first love. Then he started cheating on me. At first it was kissingother girls and he would be honest about it, then I would find out from other people and he would try to lie about it first. I know, why did I stay after the first time he did that? I thought he loved me. He could make himself cry, and every time he would apologize and he said the thought of losing me killed him (tears streaking down his face) and that he would never do it again, blah blah. I remember these moments like they just happened. Of course I would hug him and say it's ok, it's over, if you promise no to then i will stay, but next time it's done. Believe me "next time" came and went and we weren't done. He was pretty jealous from the start, but I never noticed at first because of how smitten I was. But as other guys noticed me (older guys than him!) he started to get really jealous. So, when the cheating began with him, i slowly got to an unhealthy point of jealousy. It worked it's way there though, but once it's there it is hard to ever make go away. He was ALWAYS talking to other girls and hitting on them, but if he saw another guy NEAR me I was in for it. HUGE arguement, and then, him probably going off somewhere and cheating on me again. It hurt. a lot. After a year and a half my parents banned the relationship. Since we went to school together, that worked not at all. I hated seeing him talk to other girls where eventually I was just like him. I was anti-social with my family and friends during this period. A lot of people stopped talking to me at all because of him. It was pointless being my friend. we were off and on so much, I cried SO many times thinking it was really over and it wasn't. everytime people cared less and less, and it hurt because I felt so alone. I had suicidal THOUGHTS, and even tried self harm a couple of times. I was trapped in this little tiny box with no air holes. he was a very abusive person, emotionally. He has a wacked family, so some of it, I know where it comes from. He hurt me, and controlled me, and emotionally wrecked me for a LONG time. The abuse was purely emotional at first, then it turned sexual. I had no choices with that anymore. He would basically say "if you don't with me I will find someone else". And I loved him. I depended on him for my happiness since I felt so empty and alone. So i would, there were times I would say no, but it didn't matter if it was yes or no to him. He got what he wanted. Then the abuse turned physical. One day in school he grabbed me by the back of the neck and squeezed so hard he left fingerprints.

That last act of abuse was, for the most part, our end, after almost 3 years. We still got together in the following months, but it slowly ceased and he moved away. Sorry for that long story, but I'm getting to where it is relevant. he would tell me that nobody but him would want me. he knew how self concious I was. he took advantage of that weak emotion and he knew it worked. What you need to know, I thought I couldn't LIVE without him. Even though he hurt me repeatedly, I thought I still NEEDED his love. I almost ran away with him a couple times, but I never could go through with it.

I'm not saying you have that sort of relationship at all, don't get my meaning wrong. I have felt that rage of jealousy. It makes people do crazy things. It's like this little ball in your stomach and it throws you into a fit of pure unlogical rage. and it hurts you. When you can't trust someone, you hang off there every call and worry when you don't know who they may be with. It is the worst thing to do to yourself. I know. You end up losing sleep, weight, and life just flat out sucks. Slowly I let go of what I had. Now, I am with someone else. He treats me like a true gentleman should treat anyone. I have a choice to be in the relationship. we depend on eachother, but also have our families. we hold one another up, always being there for support, not dragging the other down ever chance we get. It's been a year and 3 months. I NEVER thought I could live without my ex. I thought life would just cease. Now, I am happy. I have a life, and a family back. I am not trapped by him.

so the point of this (SORRY THAT IT IS LONG AND RAMBLY) is that I know you feel like your life will completely suck without her, and to be honest it will. at first. then, when you open up to new people you will see things you enjoy. You will start to fall for someone else. It takes time, but you have to give people the chance. And when you do move on, don't let your jealousy consume you again. I know it's hard. I still struggle with it myself, but I am much calmer because I am with someone that I know I can trust. He knows I have these issues, and he has been the biggest help since my last relationship. Moving on is tough. I have been there and I truly sympathize. I am again sorry for the length, but I just wanted to show you that I know and understand your feelings. I know it's long, and probably means a lot of nothing, but I am hoping somewhere you maybe found advice.

That was very uplifting, birdygirly016, and should be of great help to others on here.

You did well, to sort yourself out and get back into the pleasanter side of life and relationships.

Well done!

I hope it will help.
It took a lot to grow and accept what happened, and now, all i could wish for is my experience to help somebody else.

Birdygirly016, I very much appreciate you and your stepping up to tell it like it is! As you have said, relationships can be different in various aspects, and yet, there are similarities.

One can say, but you don't understand, I and my [fill in the blank] are different. But the point is, when the relationship is not equal, both lose.

But I guess my heart goes out to the one who is harmed.

The good news is that one can break free of that! You did. Good for you!

Thanks, again, for sharing.

Of course.
I hope it will help.

And you are right, relationships are all very different, but some are also very similar. Sometimes you gotta step up and break the mold =D, it's not as impossible as it feels marioman, I promise. Once you start fresh, you will feel like a whole new person

In a way, anytime that I can help someone with what I went through, sort of makes it worth it for me. It gives that horrible period a purpose now. As they say, everything happens for a reason.

Marioman,I read all of your posts and it does appear that you have tried very hard from the beginning to correct any faults you felt you had. It takes a caring intelligent person to self examine and take control of their emotions and change their behavior. You appeared to do just that when your girlfriend complained that you were too jealous. Recently you even sought counseling and tried to get her to join you. That is the sign of someone who is willing to work on a relationship and is open minded. I realize you have come to think that you have a problem with jealousy and that you think you are controlling but I see it a little differently. I will share my thoughts with you for what they are worth.

I believe anyone who has been in a close loving relationship that includes being intimate in every way has a right to question the one they love about inappropriate text messages. It was an accident that you discovered them. You were not trying to invade her privacy. It was not an act of jealousy to answer the phone but a natural act of consideration for her sleep. When you found those messages you had every right to worry and be alarmed. At this point, your girlfriend had a responsibility to the relationship to respect your feelings regarding her friend. She did not do that and continued the relationship because the relationship had already become more than just friends in her mind. I say this because the guy felt that inappropriate text messages were ok. He didn't just think that on his own. On some level he felt they were appropriate because he was led to believe that. From what you say, she continued with the friendship and it evolved into one where she was "falling for him" as she put it. You did display inappropriate actions by taking her phone and should not have done that. Under the circumstances, it is understandable and not the worst reaction you could have had. It may have been wrong but no worse than your girlfriend basically cheating on you emotionally with another person. You both were in a committed relationship and sleeping together. This isn't like going steady. On the contrary it is more like being married. You love her so much that you took her opinion about your jealousy and being controlling as fact. I would like to suggest that the controlling is the other way around. The relationship became one where she was allowed to still flirt with men and keep their jackets as "close momentos" of the friendship and lie to you. You made efforts to improve and she carried on as usuall flirting with disaster. Her behavior is not the kind of thing you do in a committed relationship. She displayed caring for you and was holding your hand because she knew before she even asked you that she was in trouble and she knew what she had done. She wants to have you and she wants to be able to basically "act single". I know that you love her and you are frantic because you feel that the tighter you hold on the more you are loosing her. I would suggest that you back off a little and I think you will see that she calls you and seeks you out. If she does, you will know that she cares and there is a chance.

I would also like to suggest that if you compromise and allow the relationship to continue as it has you will be sorry and regret it. You obviously have your head on straight and you don't appear to be a jealous lout to me. You care appropriately and have had appropriate reactions. Your girlfriend on the other hand has convinced you that you have all of these flaws because she wants to flirt and have male friends and behave as if she is unattached. This is feeding her insecurities and boosting her self asteem while it is tearing your relationship appart. She is also unwilling to go to counseling with you and make the same effort you are. Until she sees her behavior is the problem, she is not ready for the same committment and relationship you are. You have to decide what kind of relationship you want and stick to your guns. If you don't you will keep trying to please her and she will keep pleasing herself. She is definitely not ready for marriage or a committed relationship until she deals with whatever is driving her. Dealing with her panic disorder is major among these things. If I were you I would research the disorder as it can manifest itself in many ways and can be emotionally crippleing. It sometimes gets worse over time and with the advent of children in a relationship. People who suffer from it often lack self control in the area of impulsive behaviour when it comes to relationships, gambleing, sex, money and a host of other things. I would take things very slow and first make sure that this relationship is really as healthy as you want it to be for yourself as well as her. She has to take responsibility for her part also. If she doesn't and you do get married I forsee a lot of lies and cheating and even more heartbreak in your future. As the other forum member pointed out, it does seem as if your world is ending and I have been where you are also but if you try your best to not panic and do what is right for you and her, you will be loving her in the most important way. It will either work out for you both or it won't and will save you both a world of hurt.

I agree with jo.

I know it's hard to hear.

But i think the point is that it is unfair for you to keep putting everything into the relationship and getting not much of anything but arguing back in return. =[.

Thanks for the replys all of you, and to answer the question about the counseling, yeah I have been seeing one since the break up.

It makes me angry when I think about all the times I was the one trying to fix things and she acted as though she was helpless on the matter. She always was the type to almost never decided things on her own, and never try and go her own way and experiance new things. It always had to be someone deciding things for her, and as much as I hate to say it, I blame her over protective parents for that and feel that thats one of the contributing factors for her anxiety.

A lot of the time I do feel that I'm being treated unfairly, I mean I've never been the type to constantly text other girls, or flirt when other girls are around. I mean, when I think about it, we never usually got into shouting matches whenever I felt that something was up, arguing yes, but never anything worse she just always got extreamly angry at me. And everything was always my fault.... never hers, in her opinion she never did anything wrong, and i hate that.

A few days before she broke up with me, I wrote her a letter, just to try and express how I felt in a different way. It explained how I felt that whenever she was constantly texting I felt less important in her eyes, how whenever other guys were around she seemed to pay more attention to them than me.... and how lately, she didn't seem to do little things that reassured me of our relationship, just stuff like that. She seemed to take it the wrong way and started saying that she wasn't going to text or talk to other guys, or that she would always tell me where she was and what she was doing, and I kept telling her thats not what I want from her. I feel that she keeps thinking thats the way I'm controlling her, I have never told her what to do and when to do it (except for the incident with the phone, I told her then I didn't want her to talk to the guy, and now that I think about it I even asked her and she agreed not to have her phone for that day, but yes I still know what I did was wrong) otherwise I have never told her how to do things, or when to do them. I want her to realize that shes the one with problems as well, but she just seems so sensetive when someone critisizes anything about her that I feel I wouldn't be able to get anywhere with trying to fix things.

Its been a little over two weeks now, and I've been trying my best just to keep busy and not think about any of this stuff but it is hard.... mornings seem to be the roughest on me because I've been having regular dreams about her, about us getting back together and such.... I do still love her, but its just so hard to let go after being emotionally invested in her for almost three years. Meeting new people is probably going to be one of the hardest things for as I am a pretty shy person, but I guess all I can do is try my hardest.

I just want to thank you guys for the advice, it does help somewhat and I appreciate it.

I'm glad that our replies have been of some help to you, Marioman.

I, too, agree with Jo.

Do remember that, when a relationship ends, it's as if it dies ~ and you have to grieve.

Also, remember that people tend to become defensive, if they feel that they are being criticised ~ especially if they are feeling guilty.

No-one is perfect, that's why, if a relationship is in trouble, and the couple wants to save it, both members really need to see a counsellor.

Good luck, with whatever you do.

So I guess I "screwed up" again....

I decided to pay a visit to my ex at her work today. My plan was just to ask if she would maybe meet me tomorrow night somewhere neutral just to talk. I told her if she wanted to she knew my number and she could tell me if she wanted to or not. I waited paitently and finally this evening I got a text message from her saying that "we're over and theres nothing to talk about", as well she said that because of the stress I put on her for coming to her work, her anxiety has gotten worse.

Her father, who used to treat my like his own son, got involved now. He sent me a message telling me that I've put too much stress on her and that she doesn't want anything to do with me anymore and that I should move on. He seems angry at me now, and said that "had he known that I had hurt her so much in the past, that our relationship would have been a lot different", I'm confused as to what he means by that because I don't recall ever hurting her so much for anything (besides the whole phone incident, which yeah I know was wrong).

I don't know what to do anymore... I'm trying to move on, but its just so hard. I've really hit rock bottom.

Marioman, I don't know you or her, but I am guessing that you are not entirely to blame for all this. I may be wrong, of course, but I don't think so, based on what you have said here.

However, you seem to be taking the blame ~ from yourself and others. This isn't rock bottom ~ this is a chance for a new start.

If you are accepting, from her, that you are in the wrong, then is it so surprising that her father thinks that way?

When a relationship ends, it is painful, but I think, long-term, you will find someone who suits you better & who won't put you in a position where you are bound to feel hurt and jealous, and then blame you for doing so.

You are still young; you will find Miss Right.

Yes, you will grieve over this relationship for a while, but you will soon realise that it would not have brought you long-term happiness, and that you will be better off with someone who wants you,and does not keep flirting with other men and then getting annoyed because it upsets you.

Just give yourself some time to get over this.
Time heals and it also allows you to think objectively about things.

Take care!

Marioman, I too agree with PDM. You are far too hard on yourself. Her father is going to be protective and believe what she tells him. Painful as it may be, this is far less painful than it would have been down the road. If she was truely all that you wanted and deserved she would have behaved better all along and she would not have ended your relationship without giving you better closure. You really need to realize that she was not living up to your picture of her. You have loved the person you thought she was not the person she actually "IS". I am sorry, I know it hurts, but you will get stronger and learn from this and go on to find someone special that needs you as much as you need her. Have faith in that and believe that you deserve better and you will get better. Good Luck

Hey you guys, first off, thanks for the ears and all the advice given. I've realised that I have been to hard on myself, and I'm sick of it. I found out yesterday that my ex is now (well not too sure how long now) is with the guy who jacket she borrowed. I am pretty angry, but I'm not too sad about it. To me it kind of shows me that she really isnt the person I thought she was, and I regret now that I ever let myself fall in love with her. I know I'm probably just speaking out of anger, but I really feel that I wasted almost 3 years of my life, that it was all for nothing.

But anyway I do kinda wanna get "back out there" so to say, not just to date but also to meet new people, make new friends and such.

I don't think that you should consider the time wasted ~ consider it a learning experience.

It's good that you want to meet new people and make new friends.

You two were obviously not meant to be together, so you are now free to discover your true soul-mate.

Good luck