My jealousy is ruining our relationshipVisitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Female
Ive been with my boyfriend for nearly 2 and a half years. I was fine with him talking to girls and everything until shortly after a year of dating when I found out he had lied to me a number of times. They weren't big lies to him but to me they were ( he lied about going to his ex's party who still liked him at the time and I found out by seeing photos of them huggin in the bath with a few other girls, lied about talking to another ex when he went clubbing and lied about talking to loads of girls at a party all of which I saw photos and confronted him about). Since hes lied to me I can't seem to trust him and I get really jealous if he goes out or anything. I know he wouldnt cheat but I cant help but wonder if he was drunk he might be tempted and hes lied to me before so he could lie about it again. Please help cause it's destroying both me and the relationship. Thank you.
This is the age old story of jealousy and lack of trust. You are right, it will destroy your relationship if the problem cannot be addressed and corrected.
Unfortunately, there is no easy way to root out jealousy. It fills in the cracks of love with its evil ways. Constant communication is one way to deal with these bad feelings. Don't communicate in a critical way or doubting way. Be honest with him and share your concerns. Let him know that you would be more relaxed if he would never lie to you.
His lies occured over a two year period and if those are the only ones, you might rethink and forgive. Surely you have complained enough so that he knows not to do it again. He's been with you a long time now and that counts for a lot.
Make sure you are not nurturing old hurts... it is too easy to replay things and feel the wounds over and over. Try to deal with the current situation and work against the jealousy you feel by telling yourself that trust is one of the most important aspects of a relationship and that if you can't conquer the jealousy it will conquer you. And, unfortunately and unfairly, the fault will be yours for not conquering it.
Best luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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