This may sound pathetic of me, especially since im only 15 but..

Me and my really close friend (we're both in the same group of bestfriends) have always had this chemistry. I fell in love with this guy like not even a month after I met him. Yes, I know love is a big word, but its different everytime right? It was weird, I had never ever felt that way about someone. So about a year and a half ago we knew we kind of had this thing going on, but never made anything out of it.. We did have this one huge like fight about him dating someone while having me on the side and I went to his girlfriend and told her about us. It was very hectic. It kind of felt good though haha So then after that fight we had trouble talking to one another for around a month, then we were becoming like bestfriends after that. But the more we were becoming friends little did we know it would end up turning into a relationship. It was completly surreal to me. It was like a dream. It was like wow, I loved this guy for sooo long and now we're finaly together. He broke the ice for me. He was my first kiss and everything was so perfect. We dance together on this tiny hill in the forest and since it was autumn the leaves reflected orange and red lighting all around us. It was amazing. It just felt natural and it just felt like.. love. So you know, everything was fine and dandy until around 6 days later he comes to my house, we went to the park and kissed and talked. Everything was still perfect. Then he goes home, I get on the computer and BAM. He tells me that we should just stay really good friends because hes scared that if we wait any longer and if we end up breaking up later it would be harder on both of us. I totally agreed on that, but it was just like sooo out of the blue that I felt like I was going to die. I was crying like if someone was murdering me. It was horrible. The next day at school I was crying almost all day, people cared for me and he just didnt. He was acting as though nothing even happened. It just shocked me out of my mind. Anyways, now its 7 months from then. We're becoming very good friends again, so im happy. We're actually going to LaRonde with another friend this summer. I still think about those wonderful 6 days we had together. And I miss him alot sometimes. But I dont think I miss him.. I think I just miss having someone feel that way about me and me feeling that way about someone aswell. Sometimes I want him back but deep down I really dont! If ever he would ask me back I would force myself to say no, just because I wouldnt trust him. My heart is just too sacred for someone who is undesearving.

It just sucks because I feel like I have no closure and that I'll never really get over him and find someone new. I just want to forget about him and not think of him that way. I just want to be friends... Its a suckish situation!


Peachy♥05|20|07 [lovebird]
Missy♥05|23|09 [cat]