Niki -
Promised I would get back to you on this, so here it is.
Money - yes, counseling is expensive, but really consider the books and taking the time to read through them. You don't want to jump the gun on getting a separation/divorce and then feel like you made a huge mistake years down the road. That was what I was afraid of when I made the decision to move out/do the trial separation. Doing the trial separation also helped me out by allowing me to clear my head. Not only did I separate from my husband, but I told my family they needed to butt out too and give me some space. I told my family they needed to stop asking how my husband and I were doing, I told them I needed their support in this because it wasn't easy what I was doing and if they didn't/wouldn't support me I just cut the cord from them. Doing this, removing myself from all the stresses of my family helped me to realize that I needed the space and the distance to help me find myself and determine what I truly wanted.
You need to decide what you want, what are the deal-breakers in your current marriage if there are any (e.g. having kids). I don't think you should get involved with this other guy that's pursuing you right now - it could mess with your decision making process. When my husband and I separated, we agreed we would not date or see other people because that wasn't the intended purpose of the separation.
The first couple of months between my husband and I were very hard. We fought every time we saw one another because he didn't like that I had moved out and that I couldn't tell him flat out what I wanted, that I was second-guessing myself in making the decision to marry him. It drove him nuts that I couldn't give him an answer and I understand why it did... I had all the "power" in the decision and he was left hanging until I made up my mind and figured out what I wanted. This left him bitter every time he saw me. It's a shock to the system when you think you have what you want and you think you've got your life planned out or at least on the right track and you're with the person you want to be with, and then all of a sudden you see that life wasn't what you thought it was and that person you thought you were going to be with forever was second-guessing and wondering if the choices she made were the right ones.
I'm not going to lie - there was a guy that was pretty heavily interested in me too. And it seemed at the time that we wanted many of the same things - and he was the complete opposite of my husband. My husband was aware of it and wasn't happy either - but then again, who would be??
I found that when I stopped him from pursuing me further, I was able to work through things better and figure out things. I really do suggest you tell this guy he needs to let you figure things out in your life - from there you can decide what you'd like to do, but first you need to figure out yourself. I was in your shoes exactly: "so sick of being unhappy and feeling unloved for who I am and ignored and not fought for."
I wish you luck. Keep your chin up and keep working through the muddle. You'll eventually make your way through.
