$50 a session? =( *sigh* Well the lady who told me she'd get back to me with a recommended counselor... never got back to me. And I see my doctor for a full physical in a few weeks. Been having breathing problems for 9 months. Finally stopped smoking. But it's scaring me to be honest.
Anyway... I don't know. It keeps getting worse and I keep getting stronger and falling apart further more and more. Every time we try to make it work, we make it worse. We've slept together twice and it's been disastrously cold and... just plain terrible. I end up feeling used and unsatisfied.
Plus being "single" has been nice. I've enjoyed having men look at me again and being asked out for lunches and being... well flattered for who I am. Atheist and narcissistic crazy lady and all.
But on second hand it's crushing me. A break up is a break up, you move on, but divorce feels deeper and a lot more painful. Like half of my heart is missing. All I do anymore is spend my nights at home drinking which is very counterproductive to my schooling. Part of me is marching through this with my head held high, and the other is on the verge of jumping in front of the next bus.
Doesn't help that I have another thing for my family to hate me for. First turning my back on God, now my husband. It hasn't been easy at all.
