That is indeed the question.
My SO (significant other) and I have been together for several years. We are not married, and do not live together. However both of us use "we" when making reference to the future and have had many discussions about it, both casual and serious - the path is there and solidly formed.
Unfortunately, SO and I both have some deeply rooted issues with relationships and trust, going as far back as our youth. We have had similar yet not completely same situations that challenge concerns about trust, abandonment, infidelity, and grief. For the larger part, we have been very much a source of strength and support to each other dealing with these issues.
As similar as we and our experiences may have been, we handle our feelings in vastly different ways. For example, my SO though they have admitted they feel jealousy at times, is very good at hiding it and keeping it inside. I am not so well versed.
Both of us have many friends of both genders - casual acquaintances and close friends alike. Many of these people are mutual friends, a few are not. For the larger part, again, this is no issue. Regardless of our pasts, both of us are rational, caring, devoted individuals are have no desire to hurt one another or see our relationship end. We also have no desire to give up our friendships, or have our motives questioned.
Unfortunately I have a very difficult time with certain friends of my SO. They are ones that are not close to me, though I do know who they are and have spent some time with them in group settings. I know my SO has spent some amount of one on one time with them - I can't be sure how much anymore because I think my SO chooses to not mention them to me because I am not their biggest fan.
My concern is these "friends" seem very clingy and needy to me - almost as though my SO is their only friend. At times it even seems to me they may be actively pursuing my SO - even though I am quite sure my SO has made it clear how much they love me, and are with ME. I often wonder if at the very least these friends are making their affection apparent perhaps hoping that if we break up they might capitalize on the opportunity - or worse - try to cause a break-up.
My feelings stem from my personal observation of these friends - their body language, regular phone calls / text messages, and dropping by to visit at my SO's place of business (their work is open to the public).
As previously stated, I think I can speak freely for both myself and my SO that we have no desire to step on each other's toes when it comes to friends or freedoms. Meaning: the last thing I would ever do is ask my SO to stop talking to these people or seeing them, even though deep down that's exactly what I would prefer.
If my SO is in fact aware that these people are interested in them, is it healthy for anyone involved for my SO to continue a friendship with them? I guess in some way as annoyed as I may be, I feel sorry for them - if they really and truly are pining for my baby with NO earthly reason to believe they will achieve their goal any time soon - how frustrating for them? Again, I think this goes back to they don't have many friends, and are clinging to my SO because of proximity and lack of options.
I'm sure, on the other side, my SO being the person they are will not abandon a friend - especially if it's just because that other person has feelings my SO cannot control. Though I do appreciate this theory, is remaining friends in this situation really and truly the most respectful solution for all parties involved?
I really despise the fact that hypothetical situation and perceived behavior makes me jealous but, that is the fact of the matter. I imagine it's a combination of fears that all amount of my desire to minimize any possible chance of losing someone who is very dear to me.
Seeing as I feel I have pretty well psycho-analyzed the situation and myself, that brings me to absolutely no resolution with this issue. I will not ask my SO to not see their friends. I am not that type of person.
That being said, have I just sentenced myself to forever having to be upset about this?
Does anyone have some insight for me?
