mma7402, I welcomed you on the thread where you posted about the head of a shy person. I was impressed with your insight.
First, I have a lifetime of dealing with what you describe. From being abused as a child, I've experienced many things which caused me to question whether I really knew what love was.
My wife and I were up late last night, and I've been fighting a chest cold (I have COPD and at this time of year, it's rough), so I'm having my first cup of coffee and waking up.
So I doubt if I'm going to make a lot of sense.
But I sense an affinity for the way you feel, and hope we can dialogue more later.
To me, the first and foremost rule in "romance" is to tell the other person what you feel and think. Even then, different understandings of words and phrases and life situations will cause a need for conversation about what each means. But in just about every "romance" novel or story I've read, there is miscommunication from one thinking something but not telling the other, or one thinking that the other thinks something, when maybe it is not true, or not in the way that he or she sees it.
Point I'm trying to make is this: don't worry as much about the word. Tell her how she makes you feel. Hug her. Show her your heart.
Ok, I'll stop there. I know that's the hard part - right there. But you can show a little, right?
And if this is right, your heart and her heart will open up even more as time goes on.
And as you talk to her, I believe you'll see her eyes go from "sad" to "joyful."
I hope we can talk more.
