Hello & welcome mma7402
First, may I please ask you to refrain from using bad language. It is not allowed on this forum. Thank you.
As for what love is, that's a very complicated one.
With regard to your own problem, I can understand that.
I know someone who, because of her childhood, found it very hard to show affection to anyone over about the age of five. I think that it was because this was the age when she was separated from her mother. She hadn't been treated cruelly, she had just had a hard life. She loved, but she found it very hard to show that she loved. Some people thought that she must be a bit cold, but inside, she wanted to show that love. And eventually she did ~ but she was in her nineties before she forced herself to tell people how much they meant to her ~ before it was too late.
Think about it.
Do you want to wait that long?
She forced herself to tell people that she cared, after so many years of holding back.
You can do it too.
If you can speak, you can say the words.
The question is, do you love her?
I'm guessing that this is why you ask what love is.
Do you enjoy her company, more than that of anyone else?
Do you care about her, more than about anyone else?
How would you feel if you had to be separated from her for any length of time?
How important is she to your happiness and well-being?
Can you imagine caring for someone else, as much as you do for her?
Ask yourself questions like these.
And everyone is a bit scared that they will do the wrong thing and mess things up.
No-one is perfect, it's just that for most people, ignorance is bliss.
They simply don't know how badly things can go wrong.
But remember, just because things
can go wrong, doesn't mean that they
will go wrong.
If your relationship with this girl is a good one, based on trust, care, friendship, affection & other positive emotions, then you'll probably be fine. You already know what can go wrong, and you already know how to keep things going on the good side. Try to think of this as a positive thing ~ a learning experience ~ in spite of the negative experiences that it is based upon.
Remember, too, worrying doesn't help.
Worrying just makes you feel tense.
Then you will find yourself in a vicious circle.
Try to break it.
Have you tried relaxation & breathing exercises?
They might help.
Have you tried counselling?
Good counselling can be very helpful.
Good luck
