Hi Dreamer & welcome
Certainly it seems unfair to stay with someone you no longer love, just so that you can have him as a friend. On the other hand, love affairs rarely retain their initial 'zing' for ever. Love changes. It's still love, but it's not quite the same as that initial passion you feel at the beginning of a relationship. Sometimes, people mistake changes in their feelings of love to the end of their feelings of love. It's worth bearing this in mind.
However, I also think that 'lovers' can indeed grow apart. Maybe because they got together when they were very young and, as they age, they change considerably. This doesn't always happen, of course.
Also, we need to remember that relationships are going to have ups and downs. Not every day is going to be perfect and, for some, the periods when things don't seem to be going right can last longer than they would like. Relationships do need to be worked at.
You feel that you are working at yours but that he isn't.
Do you think that he feels the same about this?
Would he agree with you?
This is what I read:
When he cheated on you, it was because he went out with his friends.
You say:
'he never goes out with his own friends anymore'.
'He used to be able to .... talk to some of my friends'
'Now ... he can't do anything without me telling him it's ok'
'He's become more insecure, dependent, controlling, 'I'll give you my response to the scanario you describe, re him and friends.
He has changed since he cheated, so it is still bothering him.
He knows that it happenede when he was out with hisd friends, so he prevents it happening again by not going out with his friends.
He feels safer with your friends, because you are there to protect him from himself. Even so, he doesn't interact with your friends ~ at least not until you give him permissiion to do so.
It seems to me that he is so concerned about what happened, and what might happen again, that he is becoming overly controlling of the whole situation, himself and you.
So, I would say, in his own way, he is working very hard to try to make the relationship work. The problem is, this way is destructive.
You also say that 'He has a hard time controlling his emotions and can get mean (verbally) when he gets mad. That's one thing I really don't like about him.'
This doesn't sound promising. However, you say that you 'have a pretty strong relationship', so maybe all this can be worked out. I don't think that it can be ignored. You will need to talk it out with him ~ and I think that you could do with some counselling as a couple, because he seems to have issues about cheating on you, even if you don't ~ and I'm guessing that you do. Being cheated on cannot be pleasant.
Your family likes him. That's good, but, in my opinion, a relationship is, first and foremost, between the couple involved.
He loves you. It's good that you feel secure in this knowledge, but I can see that it would make it harder for you, if you do decide that the relationship is over.
Really think about this.
If you are irritated with his behaviour and 'not liking him' for something he has done, then you may well feel that you don't love him, either, and that it's over. However, if he then makes you smile when you are feeling down, you may decide that you do like him after all ~ and that you fall in love with him all over again.
Bad behaviour is not acceptable ~ he needs to know that, but no-one is perfect.
Is he very abusive? Does he need help with anger management?
This may also be a symptom of something else.
Only you can know what is the right thing to do. Only you can decide.
Talk to him. Try to find out where the confident young man you fell in love with has gone. See if you can get him back. Maybe all will be well again, then.
Try not to let this affect your brother's wedding, but don't ignore it either. If there is disharmony between you, this will affect your brother, anyway.
I posted this, without reading Suzzie's comments, so that mine wouldn't be affected by hers.
And they are just my opinions.
If you want this to work, I would recommend getting the advice of a relationship counsellor.
Good luck!
