So I'm unsure of whether or not to end things with my boyfriend of 3 years. Lately it just seems like everything is falling apart, and I don't know if I love him romantically anymore. He's one of my best friends and I consider myself lucky to have met him, but I also think that it would be selfish of me to just stay with him because I don't want to lose one of my best friends. I don't want to make the wrong decision and end up regretting it, but I also don't want to stay with something that might be falling apart.
We've had a somewhat rocky relationship to begin with, and my confusion of whether to break up with him or not is very...complicated (to say the least). When we first started dating (after about 6 months) he cheated on me. One of his friends visited and stayed with them, they proceeded to go out and got intoxicated and one thing led to another. It took a long time for me to consider whether or not I wanted to try and work things out. Long story short, we did, and after awhile of working on and building our trust back up, we have a pretty strong relationship.
The problem lately, and sort of ongoing, is that he has been slowly changing since he cheated on me. He's become more insecure, dependent, controlling, and just not the confident, outgoing person he was when we met. He used to be able to go out with me and just talk to some of my friends he didn't know without any problems. Now I'm hesitant to bring him out when I go out with my friends because he relies on me to kind of 'hold his hand' so to speak throughout conversations and things like that. I'm not against me introducing and involving him in conversations, but he used to be so good at just doing things on his own. Now it seems like he can't do anything without me telling him it's ok, or providing some kind of reassurance about it. He tells me sometimes that he'd rather hang out with me than his friends. I don't mind this at all and don't think that's weird, but he never goes out with his own friends anymore. We've had arguments about the whole "going out with friends" thing before, and he always makes it seem like I'm the one at fault for not inviting him every time I go out with my friends. Yet, I can't remember the last time we went out with his friends...I'm thinking it's been at least a year. It's just frustrating that he makes it seem like it's my fault and he won't realize that he doesn't invite me out ever. It may seem immature to have arguments about this kind of thing, but he's just changed so much since we met that he's not as much fun when we go out and he makes the mood weird when I'm with my friends.
Another complication is that he's become extremely good friends with my brothers. In fact, he's in one of my brother's weddings this July. I'm very close with my brother and I don't want to mess things up for his wedding if my boyfriend and I end up not being able to work things out.
I just need some advice. I even made a list of the good vs. bad things about our relationship. But that didn't seem to help. One of the problems that we have is that we're very much alike. That includes our tempers and stubbornness. One thing that is different is that even though he's 2 years older than me, he seems way more immature with his responses and how he deals with situations. He has a hard time controlling his emotions and can get mean (verbally) when he gets mad. That's one thing I really don't like about him. He isn't very kind towards his mother sometimes and I come from a very close-knit family and always view family values as in important thing.
I don't mean to point out every negative thing about him and not say anything positive, but I'm just trying to point out things I'm struggling with. My family likes him, he can make me laugh and smile when I need it, and he does love me. I just don't know if I can deal with his insecurities and constant need of reassurance anymore. We've worked and worked on it and it doesn't seem like he's tried to fix it at all even with my help.
If anyone could give some advice I would greatly appreciate it. I just am lost at what to do and how to figure out everything.
