Cheated - Fell in Love - Can it be right?

Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Male
Yes I've read other questions that are similar but I do have an interesting angle that is very tough for me to get past easily.

As with most, I met a woman while married (both of us), we hit it off amazingly and have huge amounts in common. This quickly led to what we agreed would be just sex - no emotions. Not possible is what we have learned. We are now evry much in love with each other. My situation is a bit rough as my wife has some very deep emotional and mental problems (diagnosed) that she has been dealing with all our marriage. They were only a small part of things when we met but have gotten bigger and worse as the years moved on (14 now). We have children as well. My difficulty is that I have been emotionally and physically neglected throughout the years. I have had 'opportunities' but always chose to remain faithful. Now, I don't know why this changed. We are now separated and I feel so much better. The OP is going through similar times. I saw a side of her that few notice and she was touched deeply. Thing is her husband is in love with not all of her - just the lively, exciting and outgoing part - not the kind, quiet part which she has never been able to show him and he (by admission) does not like.

So, here we are - tough times in front of us and I fear hurting people. I am concerned that this fear is what has kept me in my relationship for as long as I have been. I have shared my feelings for leaving my wife with friends, our pastor etc.... and this had been met with understanding and support due to the years or difficult trials and what could be called emotional / mental abuse. Is my fear of hurting others what is holding me back from just ending the marriage. No one would hold it against me if I left permanently. Also, is it possible that my being part of the OP's life is interefering with her working out her relationship - or is this also me worrying about hurting others instead of taking care of myself. (side note - I was the eldest raised by my mother only after my parents divorced and grew up very early in order to help out at home - became the strong one) Advice
The best way to find out how you really feel about all this is to seek out a good professional counselor. Initially go by yourself and if necessary involve others.

You should do this for the sake of the kids as well as yourself.

Good luck! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

Visitor Submitted Responses
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For children's sake
hang in there
Take vacation
See a counselor

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