Cheated - Fell in Love - Can it be right?
We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.
Original Visitor's Question from a 41-50 year old Male
Yes I've read other questions that are similar but I do have an interesting angle that is very tough for me to get past easily.
As with most, I met a woman while married (both of us), we hit it off amazingly and have huge amounts in common. This quickly led to what we agreed would be just sex - no emotions. Not possible is what we have learned. We are now evry much in love with each other. My situation is a bit rough as my wife has some very deep emotional and mental problems (diagnosed) that she has been dealing with all our marriage. They were only a small part of things when we met but have gotten bigger and worse as the years moved on (14 now). We have children as well. My difficulty is that I have been emotionally and physically neglected throughout the years. I have had 'opportunities' but always chose to remain faithful. Now, I don't know why this changed. We are now separated and I feel so much better. The OP is going through similar times. I saw a side of her that few notice and she was touched deeply. Thing is her husband is in love with not all of her - just the lively, exciting and outgoing part - not the kind, quiet part which she has never been able to show him and he (by admission) does not like.
So, here we are - tough times in front of us and I fear hurting people. I am concerned that this fear is what has kept me in my relationship for as long as I have been. I have shared my feelings for leaving my wife with friends, our pastor etc.... and this had been met with understanding and support due to the years or difficult trials and what could be called emotional / mental abuse. Is my fear of hurting others what is holding me back from just ending the marriage. No one would hold it against me if I left permanently. Also, is it possible that my being part of the OP's life is interefering with her working out her relationship - or is this also me worrying about hurting others instead of taking care of myself. (side note - I was the eldest raised by my mother only after my parents divorced and grew up very early in order to help out at home - became the strong one)
User Submitted Advice from a 31-40 year old Female
For children's sake
Yoy sound like an awesome guy. I am so happy that you have found someone who makes you happy. My concern is that she may not be leaving her husband- you didn't really mention that part. Whether she leaves him or not, if it makes you happy for now and helps you get through your divorce than go for it. It sounds as if you have had a difficult marriage & your wife is lucky to have you for support- I hope you will still be there for her- for your children's sake. I think that once you are free from the marriage you will be free to fond someone else, maybe the married lady isn't the one. If not, like all people who come into our lives, there was a reason for her being in yours, so keep her close in your heart. I wish you the best!
The Original Question and RomanceClass Answer