Cheated - Fell in Love - Can it be right?
We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.
Original Visitor's Question from a 41-50 year old Male
Yes I've read other questions that are similar but I do have an interesting angle that is very tough for me to get past easily.
As with most, I met a woman while married (both of us), we hit it off amazingly and have huge amounts in common. This quickly led to what we agreed would be just sex - no emotions. Not possible is what we have learned. We are now evry much in love with each other. My situation is a bit rough as my wife has some very deep emotional and mental problems (diagnosed) that she has been dealing with all our marriage. They were only a small part of things when we met but have gotten bigger and worse as the years moved on (14 now). We have children as well. My difficulty is that I have been emotionally and physically neglected throughout the years. I have had 'opportunities' but always chose to remain faithful. Now, I don't know why this changed. We are now separated and I feel so much better. The OP is going through similar times. I saw a side of her that few notice and she was touched deeply. Thing is her husband is in love with not all of her - just the lively, exciting and outgoing part - not the kind, quiet part which she has never been able to show him and he (by admission) does not like.
So, here we are - tough times in front of us and I fear hurting people. I am concerned that this fear is what has kept me in my relationship for as long as I have been. I have shared my feelings for leaving my wife with friends, our pastor etc.... and this had been met with understanding and support due to the years or difficult trials and what could be called emotional / mental abuse. Is my fear of hurting others what is holding me back from just ending the marriage. No one would hold it against me if I left permanently. Also, is it possible that my being part of the OP's life is interefering with her working out her relationship - or is this also me worrying about hurting others instead of taking care of myself. (side note - I was the eldest raised by my mother only after my parents divorced and grew up very early in order to help out at home - became the strong one)
User Submitted Advice from a 21-30 year old Female
See a counselor
Sounds like you've found someone new that really fits you. Could be that after years of hurt you've either gotten lucky and should go for it or it may not be love at all but someone at the right place and time who has helped you to escape. Seeing a counselor is a really good idea to help you sort out what you really feel.
The Original Question and RomanceClass Answer
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