RomanceClass.com Forums Romance Dating I accidentally gave my bf a hicky!

oh and another thing it may sound retarded to all you experienced people but i love him with all my heart and we've both said that wed marry each other, weve been dating almost two years and im almost fifteen

i know this may sound retarded to all of you 'adults and more experienced people' but we love each other, like we are both determined to stay together until we can b married...we can tlk to each other about anything and we both love each other sooooo much. We arent sexually active just kissin, much more wuld b gross and our rents know everything ive just said in this post they kno and i was mistaken about the whole his mom not trusting mine. She does it was a mistranslation

Mattie -

There's no reason to bring "retarded" into this. People were giving you their honest opinion of your situation. Their concern is that you were being aggressively sexual at age 14, and then planning on telling the adults in your lives that you didn't really mean to do that.

I agree that some people bruise easily - but I also know that kissing someone enough to give them a hickey is not a gentle kiss. It means you were kissing aggressively. Many parents would feel uncomfortable with their children being in a situation where it was private and dark enough to be kissing aggressively.

Yes, I understand you want to get married. It's not that we discount your feelings. It's that the vast majority - let's say 99% - of people in their 14 and 15 year age bracket who say they're going to marry their partner do not. It is like wanting to go to Harvard. It's very nice to have that dream - but it also is very good to be realistic about the chances. I know many, many people who were completely convinced they would marry the person they loved at age 15. Literally none of them did.

But I also know, when I *was* age 15, that I knew that my case would be different. So I respect your feeling that your specific case is going to be the unique different one.

So to summarize, kissing passionately *is* sexual. We can talk about all the cultural and sociological significance, what the mouth kisses represent. You are doing it because you have feelings for each other. If you currently choose to "only kiss above the neck" then that is certainly fine and your choice. But our main point of contention is that you are saying it was an "accident" that you were kissing passionately. As someone nearing adulthood it is critical you take responsibility for everything you do, and own up to it. You two chose to kiss, you chose to kiss passionately. You didn't mean for evidence to be left of your actions - but that is not an excuse in the adult world. Being caught at something has nothing to do with your intentions in doing it.

I'm not going to use the 'r' word. I'll replace it with 'stupid.'

Love isn't stupid. If I were calling you stupid for being in love at a young age, then that would make me a hypocrite. It's just that we've all been there. Lisa is right. We are all giving our opinion and our experiences to help you, not make fun of you.

Hopefully you feel like this a forum you can count on. :]

-Jessica

thanks guys i wasnt trying to abck out on my actions it was a stupid thing to do and i didnt think about the consequences. I can count on u guys i feel. thanks

Life is a learning process

I've been thinking about this thread a lot, Mattie, and I want to make sure we say again that we completely respect your feelings, and your heartfelt belief that you and your boyfriend are meant to be forever. I know sometimes it feels like older people don't respect your beliefs.

OK I've rewritten this next part a few times It's hard to phrase things well on the web sometimes.

Imagine you worked with 8 year olds and they always started the school year saying the were going to run a mile in a minute. They believed with all their heart that they were going to, and you encouraged their dreams, and at the end of the year none of them were able to. So then another year goes by with the same results. Your ability to fully believe that they can reach their dreams fades with each year. Yes you might believe that somewhere out there is an 8 year old who can do it - but life keeps showing you over and over that it's extraordinarily rare.

It's not that the 8 year olds are 'wrong'. They are completely right and fine for having that belief and hope and dream! It is just that the ways people change and grow over time tend to affect that goal.

So we would all be *thrilled* if you and your boyfriend were still together at age 18, got married, and lived together happily ever after. I guess in a way we want you to take things slow because we're worried, if you are not in that special .00001% for which it happens, that you will not be completely crushed. In a way we are trying to protect you from the teenage dreams we all had at that age, that life has a way of interfering with.

I get what you are saying thanks so much for the talking. I know its rare and people want it but i think that love is THE MOST powerful thing there is and if we've made it two years already trough all we've made it through the big man upstairs must want us together. Thanks again guys. this has turned into more of a lesson more than help on a stupid mistake.

I certainly wish you the very best of luck, and hope you have a very happy life

The key is to keep working on it. Nothing ever is handed to you. Every relationship requires constant work. Two years is good - but that is merely the beginning. That is, in a way, the honeymoon. Most marriages last two years - it's the "grind" that gets to people, the wear and tear after that. It will get harder. Ensure that you work on it every day, that he works on it every day, and that it stays a priority. That is how you will succeed!

Mattie, I also hope it works out for you. My parents DID date at ages 15 and 17, and they are still married. It has been a lot of hard work for them, of course, which is natural. All relationships take commitment and work, as Lisa said.

Stay true to yourself, be honest with your boyfriend in all things, and remember to take care of other things in your life, like school, friends, family, hobbies, goals! Being well rounded is the best gift you can give to any relationship.