See, money is really that big of an issue for me. I haven't even been able to buy my poor parakeet a decent cage after my cat broke it. I'm in debt up to my nose as it is and only having one income is making it that much more worse. I'm really drowning financially right now. And he doesn't even have a job right now to help with counseling costs, if there are any. And I really don't have the time to do it either. I'm a full time student in my senior yet and work every day I don't have class.
And... ugh it's not even just the religion change that's causing a division.. it's... I've changed everything. My outlook on life, my expectations, what I want from a marriage, what I want from a husband... It's a completely 180 degree turn.
Now there's another complicating factor. Another man who's absolutely crazy for me. And aggressively so. He's everything my husband isn't, everything I can't stand in my husband anymore he has. I know it's not fair at all. Steve is aware of it and not happy. But I don't know what to do. I am so sick of being unhappy and feeling unloved for who I am and ignored and not fought for. And this other guy is fighting so hard for me, fights to make me happy every single day and keep me going, doesn't ignore the little signs of me falling apart and... everything my husband doesn't do.
And he wants kids. Haha.... my husband doesn't and that's always been a hard point that I just can't bear to put up with anymore cause I wanted them before I was 25 and it doesn't look like that's happening now. (I know, I know, not wise if I'm not financially stable. But I was doing really good before the separation.)
*sigh*
That sounds immensely immature. Letting myself fall (rebound?) into someone else at my weakest emotional point... ugh. But Steve has no idea what to do, and neither do I. Every time we try to make it work (date, talk with a mediator present, whatever) it gets worse somehow.
Last edited by Niki; 10/02/10 07:26 PM.
