Update since June.
My grandmother passed while I was in Africa.
I got home and I needed someone besides my family members and my husband was there and he was wonderful. We continued (and still continue) with counseling and found out that we both had gotten too "comfortable" - if that's the best way to describe it. It can also be described as too "afraid." Neither one of us wanted to "rock the boat" with issues of what was bothering us, so we just stopped talking. The counseling really helped us to figure out that we needed to talk and continue to talk, we should no longer bottle up things that were bothering us and just hope they'd "disappear" because they never disappeared, they just compiled and multiplied on top of one another. We have both gotten really good at letting the other person know when something bothers us - example: my husband used to get home, turn on the tv and turn on the computer and sit there all night.... one of the things that drove me nuts when things with us started to crumble around the edges, but rather than say something to him about it just got angry and went into the other room and didn't talk to him. Now, I noticed a couple of days with him doing it for extended periods of time and I told him that it bothered me and that I wanted to spend time with him. I asked him why he did it - it said it was because he was bored - I said, well, then lets do something together that won't make you bored - that way we spend time together, we talk and enjoy one another's company. He now pays attention to this and makes sure to shut the computer down and spend time with me.
I also found out that it got to the point where I had had enough - with my younger sister's wedding, my older sister fighting with my family, my younter brother's stress with his house, my parents, my grandparents, losing my job, my husband being miserable with his job, etc... all this left little time (actually more like no time) for me to sort through things. I was too busy thinking about and worrying about everyone else and trying to fix their problems. I couldn't take it anymore and I thought all the issues were coming just from my husband, when in reality they were coming from all sides/aspects of my life. So I moved out, got an apartment and stopped talking to people as much. This gave me time to focus on work while I was at work and then it gave me time to sort through the things in my life that had bogged me down after work was done - so instead of going home (to the house, not the apartment) to a husband that I was having issues with and sitting there with our problem and all the other problems smack dab in my face, therefore leaving all the other aspects of my life left open and unresolved, I was able to go to the apartment and deal with those other issues.
I told my parents that I loved them and that I wanted to listen to their problems, but I asked them not to rely in me to resolve them... that I couldn't carry that burden for them. I told them I'd help them and be there for them. Things with the siblings have gotten better as well - I'm still the one they all turn to, but I'm able to control my stress levels when they tell me about things, all the while, still being there to support them and help them through their difficult times.
I have since been back to Africa and found that I missed him, missed talking to him, missed seeing him. This was in August. Ultimately, I decided that I truly did love my husband and I wanted to spend my life with him. I moved back into the house after I got back from Africa for the second time and am still slowly moving the things I took to the apartment back to the house - this will be completed by October 10, because that's when the 6-month lease ends. We have used this moving back as a chance to clean things out - get rid of the old, and in with the new. We've donated clothes we no longer wear, furniture we no longer need because we're slowly replacing all the old childhood furniture we had, throwing things away that don't need to be held onto... we're cleansing and starting fresh. This separation, though trying on the both of us, has brought us closer and made our marriage stronger. We've learned what mistakes we made in the past and continue to work to make things better and stronger because we don't want to make those same careless mistakes again. Our marriage will always been a work in progress, but we're willing to make it work and we want to make it work because deep down we love one another very deeply and want to spend our lives together. I've never been happier - believe it or not.
