Hi Jessica
Maybe there are a few things going on here.
Some people have casual sex with anyone; some will have 'friendly' sex with people they like; some want to be in a relationship of some kind; some want to be in a committed monogomous long-term relationship, like marriage.
You two were in a relationship, you were each other's first loves, and you have been on/off for over 12 years.
First love is very special. I have read that no-one ever really forgets their first love and that most people keep a special place in their heart for them.
In your case, you each have the other in that 'special place' ~ and they have been in that special place for 12 long years, or more. So, even when you were no longer boyfriend / girlfriend, the special bond remained ~ as did the sex life.
You felt comfortable with each other; you trusted each other; you probably still loved each other in some way. But you were no longer 'in love' with each other ~ which is why you both found someone else.
You seem to have gone from sex in a loving relationship, to sex in a trusting friendly relationship.
But was it the same for both of you?
Did you both fall out of love at the same time?
Is it possible that, while one thought that you were simply indulging in friendly sex, the other continued to be in love?
And, when new partners come along, can you just turn the old relationship off?
Because you had ~ and possibly still have ~ some kind of special relationship, even after you were no longer boyfriend and girlfriend.
Many people will disagree with me, but I feel that it is very possible to have strong feelings for two people at the same time. The thing is, what to do about those feelings?
I think that one should decide on who one really loves and then remain faithful to them ~ regardless of others who one may be attracted to, or really like, or maybe even love.
You ask about his behaviour, but what about yours?
Why did you agree to see him?
Why did you sleep with him?
He is feeling guilty now, but so are you.
He may have made the first move to get together, and you may have resisted for a while, but, basically, you both chose to meet up, knowing that sex was likely to occur and, so, knowing that you were going to be ~ or likely to be ~ unfaithful.
You are guessing that he wants to spend time with you, because he prefers sex with you. Maybe you are right, But he also indicated that he cannot stop thinking about you ~ which sounds like something a bit deeper.
Is it possible that he is still in love with you, but has to accept that you are with someone else?
Alternatively, could it be that you and he have been so involved for so long that he cannot imagine life without you ~ even now that he has a new girlfriend?
How do you feel about him?
If he didn't have a girlfriend, would you go back to him?
Are you happier with your current boyfriend?
Do you think that your current relationship will be a long-term one?
Do you envisage this ex-boyfriend going out of your life completely ~ or will he always be a part of your life?
Just a few things to ponder.
You are pondering already of course.
You feel guilty ~ but do you really wish that it hadn't happened?
Or are you glad that it did, in some way?
Do the current partners know all about the relationship between you are your ex?
