I have been having some awful nightmares lately. They all somehow involve Terin (my abusive ex boyfriend) in some way. The worst one yet was with Matt(my current boyfriend). Him and I were arguing about him coming to Funtown with me (in my dream funtown turned out to be Hershey Park). I ended up leaving with my sister angry at Matt. My parents showed up and eventually I was going to call him to see if he was over it too. I dialed his number, but instead of Matt answering Terin answered. When I asked where Matt was he just laughed the AWFUL laugh and I knew he had hurt Matt, if not killed him. I just remember slumping to the ground in tears and when my parents asked what was wrong I said “he’s back”. I don’t know what to make of nightmares like this. Maybe it is my suppressed memories and feelings coming to a head in my subconscious, who knows. I don’t like having dreams like this though, the scare me and leave me in a state of semi-panic. If Terin did come back I know I would be frightened. I would be curious as to what he would do, but more afraid. He is capable of a lot of things, and it just leaves me so scared. Maybe because I don’t trust myself around him, and maybe because I don’t trust him around me AT ALL. He is a sick person, and I just pray that he stays where he is. I have all these conflicting feels about him. I need to deal with what he did to me. I just don’t know how to. The past is the past, I don’t know how to face it in a productive way.
maybe I have nightmares about him because he is my living nightmare?
When i say he came back, I mean he moved almost across the country from me and sometimes he will call me and tell me he is coming home soon...I don't know..I just need advice I guess. I am happy with Matt, I know that, but I don't know what to do about these other feelings that I can't even put a name to. I have seen the other advice on here, and it is good advice, so i'm hoping someone can help me a little to. :\
