Hello Sean
I am the mother of an almost-14-year-old daughter ~ and I have been a 14 year old daughter too! ~ so maybe I can help.
Many parents will be very uneasy about their young teenage daughters dating.
Lots of youngsters have boyfriends and girlfriends even when they are quite young. I was madly in love when I was nine. My boyfriend was nine, too. My parents were not worried ~ the friendship between two nine-year-olds was likely to be very innocent. I didn't have another boyfriend until I was 18!! (And I married him!
)
Once the teens arrive, along with teenage hormones and maturing bodies, things can be very different. The number of pregnant 12-year-olds is alarming. Parents are naturally going to worry.
At 14, a girl is still very young ~ though some may look very mature. I would be very concerned if my daughter told me that she had a 16 year old boyfriend! At 14, the only experience one has is of being a child ~ girls can be totally unprepared for a relationship and what it might entail.
Parents worry that an older boy might expect the relationship to go further, physically, than they would consider acceptable.
They might also worry that the girl would allow this to happen, or even feel forced to let this happen. Here in the UK ~ at 16 you would be considered a consenting adult; at 14 she is still a minor ~ a child.
Many parents I know would not allow a daughter to have a real boyfriend until the age of about 16. This girl is accepting her mother's decision. That is only fair and may have nothing at all to do with her feelings for you. She is a child. Her mother has spoken. She obeys. I see that as a good thing.
The relationship you first described is the kind of sweet innocent boyfriend / girlfriend relationship that a younger 'couple' might have in school ~ walking to class together, sitting next to each other, having lunch together. I doubt that her mother would have minded this too much.
However, the official 'boyfriend/girlfriend going out' thing might just be more than she thinks is right for a girl of her daughter's age.
She hasn't banned you from seeing each other in school it seems?
Why would a girl in such a situation say that she wants to be good friends? Because that is the only option open to her. She wanted to be your girlfriend but she is not allowed to be. 'Good friends' or 'no relationship at all' are the only options left to her. I'm not surprised that she isn't comfortable talking about it. She wants to be a dutiful daughter, but doesn't want to lie to you or upset you. What is she to do?!
What can you do?
You could forget her ~ but that would be sad, since you can still be friends and you are at the same school. If you still feel the same when she is old enough, you could date her then.
You could try to prove to her mother that 'your intentions are honorable' ~ They are, aren't they?
If I were you, I would try to show the girl and her mother that you are a mature, understanding & honorable young man.
This means
~that you respect her mother's views.
~that you accept that a dutiful daughter goes along with her mother's rules.
~that you respect the girl's wish to be good friends, even if she is attracted to you, because that is her only option.
~that you would not dream of having a physical relationship with an under-age girl (and would give a lot of thought to such a relationship even if you were both much older).
You could work together in the library at school during free time and you could still have lunch together, couldn't you?
You could suggest spending time together in the presence of her mother ~ eg homework 'dates' ~ so that her mother could really get to know you and to trust you.
Her daughter is precious. You need to prove to her that you will treat this girl as she would want her to be treated. Maybe if she knew that all you wanted was to be with her and hold her hand, she wouldn't worry so much, but I'm afraid that I would be equally concerned for my daughter and would only allow very innocent relationships at this age.
If you are happy with such an innocent relationship, then make that clear to your girl, so that she can tell her mother. She may insist on chaperones or group dates only, but if she learns to trust you ~ and you deserve that trust then at least you may be able to go out with your girlfriend.
Good luck!
