I've been seeing this guy for three months, and all of a sudden, he told me he just wants to be friends. I was SO hurt because I really like this guy... and I miss the times we spent together. He made time a week after the breakup to talk to me about the whole situation, and i really appreciated that...
He told me it was a hard decision for him b/c i'm important to him, and we decided to just be friends. Honestly, I am still not completely over it. I am still hurt everytime I think about how he doesn't care about me anymore. Afterall, he doesn't call anymore... usually, it's me calling him, and we talk a lot less on the phone. I guess i'm just hurt by the thought that he wouldn't care about me as much and that i'm not special to him anymore...
am i wrong to think this way? I am really confused... i really don't know how to act in front of him... i want to play cool, but i know i really am not...

I know this is going to be hard to do, but stop calling him. Make him call you. Every time you call him, he knows he still has you on the side. Focus your attentions else where for a while and let him see that you can go on without him. Start going out with your girlfriends or even your parents, sometimes they make the best friends, especially after a break up.

Hi Charlene & welcome.

I agree with Eliz.

Breaking up with someone you care for is a horrible experience ~ especially if you still want to be in a relationship and he doesn't.

The thing is, you cannot force yourself, or someone else, to have romantic feelings about a person. If he doesn't feel a romantic attachment towards you, he cannot help it ~ that's life.

You cannot help the way you feel either.
Unrequited love is sad, but common.

Remember, while it hurts now, long-term it would not be pleasant to be in a relationship with someone who is not feeling the same way you do.

Of course it hurts not to feel special to him any more, but you will still be special to your loved-ones ~ your family and close friends.

As Eliz says, spend time with them.

Be polite when you see him, but don't phone him.

You are not wrong to feel as you do.
You are bound to feel confused.
And I am not at all surprised that you do not know how to behave in his company ~ it must be very awkward for you.

If you can't play cool ~ and I understand why you would want to, but can't ~ then just try to be polite to him and then find other people to talk to.

thanks for your advice guys =]
actually, i tried not calling him for a week, and then when i saw him at a gathering, i tried to pretend that i can move on without him. When he saw that i didn't take the initiative to say hi, he came over to say hi...
maybe i'm just thinking too much.. but i hope that's a sign of care... i just wish that we can still remain close friends, but it doesn't help that he doesn't put an effort into building a friendship (like he said he wishes when he broke up with me)...

Charlene - it is next to imposible to be "friends" when one of the people still wants a relationship. If you really want to be friends then you will have to let go of the "relationship" that you had before. Once you do that then if it meant to be you may still be friends.

Thank you BLR =]
what you guys are saying really make sense, and I know what I have have to do...
It's just that sometimes, it feels so wasted (?) because he is the one who started the relationship, but I feel like I am the one who invested more emotionally, and he ended it...
sometimes, it feels so unfair i guess. but that's how life is, isn't it? =/

Yes, I'm afraid that you are right there.

But give yourself time and you will find someone who really is right for you.

For some reason, we as females, tend to, most of the time, invest more emotionally. There are a few guys out there who do the same thing.

I think in a way, it is instinctive. Men were taught to go off to war/hunt and not think of their families at home, for thousands of centuries. The women were taught to stay home and wait on their men.

Yes, Eliz, that does seem to be the case, but I think that males can be more emotionally involved than they let on.

I have two sons of 18 & 21 and they are more sensitive that I imagined boys to be when I was a young girl.

My friends indicate similar things about their sons.

I think that females make assumptions that males are able to remain uninvolved and unemotional, and males tend to live up to those assumptions.

Not always, of course.

I agree with what you guys are saying... I've never really noticed, but I guess women do tend to invest more emotionally than men. or if men are sensitive, they don't seem to show it...
Last night, my friends had a party, and he was invited. But right when I started my car, he called to tell me to let the hosts know that he was not going... I was thinking to myself, "Why don't you just tell the hosts yourself??" He has their contact information, but he called me instead to have me tell them... And it confuses me - What does he want?

Maybe he was scared of their reaction, because he was letting them down at the last minute, so got you to tell them for him.

Maybe he wants other people to think that he still has some kind of connection to you.

Maybe he just realised that he couldn't go , knew that you would be seeing them, so asked you a favour, without giving the matter any thought.

Maybe, as they were your friends, he thought that he should let you know and let you deal with it, because he doesn't have the same link with them that you do ~ I might do likewise in that situation.

I too sadly have had experience with this situation. Twice recently. It's really on a case by case situation. If you've tried a relationship for like 2 weeks, and then decide to be friends, it's a lil easier, when it's longer that you were together it's harder to be friends afterwards. I know it sucks, but hey sometimes the best of friends can turn out to be the best of lovers, etc. etc.

But they are actually more so his friends than my friends... if that makes sense =/

People are complicated creatures.
It's difficult to know what they are all about without talking to them
Sometimes talking to them makes it even more complicated!

If he isn't your boyfriend, then I suppose that he shouldn't be acting as if you can speak on his behalf.

Yah I agree with you PDM I just wanted to tell him to let the friends know himself
Thanks

okay, he called earlier to explain the reason why he didn't attend the party
i felt bad though... cuz i seemed kinda rude to him...

It sounds like mis-communication & misunderstanding.

Perhaps you need to have an objective chat ~ just to clear the air and make sure that you both know exactly whee you stand.

Would this be a good idea, do you think?

Hehe yahh, I think that would be a good idea PDM
I just want to know if he still sees me as a close friend, one he cares about =/ If i can't be in a relationship with him, the next best thing is to be friends with him.
That's why even though it's hard on me, I still try to act "cool" in his presence so that things don't turn sour

And I remember you saying that we cannot be friends if one party still has feelings, so I'm gonna try and let go of the relationship.
Thanks for the advice =]

Good luck & take care!

Hi guys,
I posted earlier about my story, and i remember you guys telling me not to call him, but to wait for him to call me... i am trying to get over this still. i'm making progress but sometimes, my mind would still keep going back to thinking about him.
he said he wanted to still be friends. i really tried, and i took your advice not to call him, and he did call me... once. it has gotten to the point where i wonder if our 3-month relationship meant anything to him because it seems like he's moving on pretty well w/o me. though i could tell he cares if i still say hi to him or not (b/c one time, i said hi to everyone else but him, and he called my name to make sure i know he's there). i really really care about him, but often i feel like he doesn't need me anymore... should i tell him that? lol

I think you have been given excellent advice. He really does seem to want to be casual friends. So often we women translate a guy's idea of friendship into our idea of friendship. I wonder if you shouldn't let him continue to define what he views as friendship. Take a totally passive role and see what that means as he sees it. Do you think there is the possibility that he is playing hard to get to manipulate the situation to his advantage? It just seems so odd that he is seeking you out when you don't seek him. Almost like he is saying one thing and acting like another. It seems to me that taking a passive role and seeing what happens would reveal a lot in any case. Good luck to you.

I agree with you Joandboys. it is quite confusing how he "seeks me out when i don't seek him"... that's why i'm so lost. i want to know what he's thinking >.<
But does taking a passive role mean to continue ignoring him? should i answer if he calls? should i say hi or ignore him when i see him?

Personally, I think that you should be as polite as you would be with any friendly acquaintance. You would smile and say hello, but probably wouldn't seek them out, unless there was very good reason.

It may be an ego thing for him ~ he only wants to say 'hi', but wants to 'know' that you are still besotted???

Or maybe he wants something else, entirely, and doesn't know how to express himself.

Take Jo's advice and just find out, without appearing to be too keen.

Good luck.