RomanceClass.com Forums Romance Does He/She Like Me? Getting her to laugh.

Hi Everyone,

Just wanted to introduce myself first since this is my first post. I'm Jonathan and I'm trying to find some help with an issue I've been having. I'm gonna try NOT to make this post sound like I'm at a group intervention, but I am seeking guidance and any input is much appreciated.

I've been out of the relationship scene for a while. I'm dating off and on. I haven't had a real relationship in a few years. Like I said, I'm going out occasionally, but I miss being in a relationship, and I would like to get involved with someone serious.

Now, I am a shy individual that I am slowly overcoming. I know it got progressivly worse when I was in college (yeah I know, college... of all times to be progressively get shyer... sucks). But my last year got better and now that I am out working, its going well. I have noticed that I am having a hard time making the girls I go out with smile... or laugh for that matter. I smile, I laugh when I find something funny that she says, or I see happening, but I cannot seem to make it happen the other way around. I will say, I do feel this is preventing me from getting to the relationship part... or the 3rd date for that matter. Maybe not so much preventing me, but it would help a lot. Any tips that can help me develop a sense of humour?

Jonathan

Uhm...this is a hard one. I don't know if I have any tip to give you, but from a female's point of view, I'd laugh at a joke if it's at the right time...and also it's my type of jokes too. I'd say pay close attention to the stuff she likes, and the stuff she doesn't like or extremely sensitive about when you wanna make a joke. Just be yourself...and be confident. Some girls are just plain harder to make them smile than others, no matter how hard you try....and some will laugh at the silliest things you say.

GOod luck!!!

Hello Jonathan & welcome.

Are you saying that when you go out with girls they never smile at all ~ or just that they don't laugh at your jokes, etc?

When you laugh at something, what do 'they' do?
Do they look uncomfortable?
Have you got an unusual sense of humour?
Do you laugh at 'unsuitable' things?

And to say 'they' is a generalisation ~ surely 'they' can't all react the same???

So yes, as lagirl says, it's a hard one.

Do you think that your shyness is making the girls feel a little awkward?

Do you think that your shyness is making you 'try too hard' or make you seem awkward?


Tips?

Well, you could try watching videos of comedians & reading funny books. This will mean that funny stories and quips are already in your head and you won't be floundering around for something funny to say.

But, as Lagirl says, 'be yourself'. Don't 'try' to make girls laugh or smile ~ just behave normally and let them respond normally. I know that they say girls love men who can make them laugh ~ but it also works the other way round, girls will smile at men they like.

Talk to them; find out what interests them; show an interest, yourself. Build up a positive friendship and see how it develops.

Have you watched the programme 'Beauty and the Geek'?
It shows how some young men have no idea how to behave around girls ~ and girls, therefore, do not appreciate them.
But once they relax & learn to interact, the barriers come down, the real people shine through, and genuine friendships may form.

Good luck!

Well.. I was never one of those guys fortunate enough to find a girl that likes the shy guys and tries to break them out of their shells. I feel like that breed of women is dying out completely.

To answer your question PDM, no its not that they don't smile at all, I can get them to smile occasionally by making comments about how they look, their hair, smile, eyes, dress, etc. I might get them a flower or something unexpected, that always gets a smile. Its just being funny. Getting them to laugh. I might say something that I find funny or poke fun at her just get a smile or laugh to arise, but it doesn't quite work how I want it too.

Whats really a downer is when I am on a date, we're making conversation, I'll do a little flirting in between, teasing her... especially if this is a girl I really like, but then some guy friend of hers shows up and stops by to say hey, and not but after 4 words out of his mouth, she's laughing histerically... sometimes over something that doesn't make any sense. Now I say this as only one example.. its only happened to me twice as I can recall. But this kind of gives you an idea that something I'm doing isn't right or that I'm not doing.

I guess I do feel the pressure sometimes of wanting things to go well that I fail due to over compensating for things that I think will go right and that will help me get my foot in the door. (Not literrally... well maybe sometimes. ha! j/k). I just get the notion that the girls I'm with aren't really having a good time hanging out with me.

I have watched Beauty and the Geek. I find it hilarious. I get the idea. Yeah some of those guys are shy and some really don't care. But the thing is.. is that they are living in a house with the girls for a period of months and are forced to interact with each other in order to achieve a certain goal. I mean, normally you'll get comfortable when you're around certain people for a time being. It does take me a while to open up to people. I've been hurt before... really badly... and it sucks. Its not fun. I am willing to put myself out there again to find someone special, BUT not to someone who doesn't show an ounce of interest on my behalf, and thats generally the issue I have with the women I meet. I don't see them showing interest in me... not even for just a friendship. I don't have any girls in my life that I can call a friend. Sure I've got plenty of female acquaintances, but anytime I have tried to get closer to one of them (whether it be for a friendship or something more), it crumbles.... and I don't know why. I don't have any women in my life that can tell me, "Ok Jon, I'm going to be brutally honest with you. I've seen you do this and that and this is wrong, but this is good." The only people I can get advice from are my guy friends which doesn't work. Which is strange because they are actually making friends and relationships and I'm not.

I'm obviously doing something that might make them uncomfortable around me. I don't know what it is. I'm not a starer. I don't stare down (I make myself look at the eyes... not the chest area. I've been trying to avoid looking down at all during a date).

Sorry, I think I'm exposing a little more than I should. I do feel like that if I can be funnier, it might make me seem more interesting to the girl. I mean, it maybe more than just being funny, but the thing is I don't know what it is. I can't figure it out. I don't have anyone to help me or give me decent pointers or advice... I mean thats why I came here in hopes to get a little more female perspective on things because I don't have that. I feel like if I did, it would really help me out. But I just don't have anyone willing to give the time of day. All this is sad I know... sorry for being such a downer.

Jonathan

Don't worry about 'being such a downer' ~ haven't you read the other problems on here?! All problems make all people feel down.

Now, female advice ....

Not knowing you I cannot be specific, but I'll tell you a few things to be careful of:

Do Not Try To Be Funny!!
It has to come naturally or it won't work.

Don't make jokes or funny comments about race, religion, people's looks, disabilities, intellect, etc.
I'm not suggesting that you would, but some people do, and it can be a turn off.

Make sure that you are always clean. Girls, generally, don't like to be out with boys who smell, or haven't showered/bathed, haven't brushed their teeth, washed their hair, wiped their noses, cleaned their ears, changed their socks and underwear, etc. Ensure your clothes are clean and smell nice, too.
One boy, requesting advice on here, was surprised to learn these things!!

Not all want their boys to be 'fashionable', but they do like them to look 'good'. Back to 'Beauty & the Geek' ~ you'll know what I mean if you've seen the boys' make-over episode.

Have something interesting to talk about. At first that generally means ~ ask them about themselves & show a genuine interest in what they are saying. (Ideas: What are their hobbies? What music or films do they like? What are they studying? What are their ambitions? Do they like to travel & if so where?)

When you talk, don't hog the conversation ~ make sure it is a dialogue.

It's nice that you pay compliments, but too many personal comments will make them feel awkward.

Forget about trying to be funny. Some people are natural comedians and others are not.

Plus, girls laugh at boys' comments, regardless of how funny they are, if they find those boys attractive.
(You know the song ~ 'Don't laugh at my jokes too much, people will say we're in love.')

If you are on a date with a girl, and she's laughing with other boys rather than with you, then, in my opinion, she's not the girl for you.

Find girls who are interested in the same things you are.
They may then find the same things amusing as you do.
And they might find you interesting enough to be attracted and amused by you, for who you are.

Don't be tempted to try to be someone else in order to attract girls. You will just be fooling them and yourself.

I did advise watching funny videos, etc, so that you have amusing lines in your head. My son recommends 'Anchor Man'.

Heh... I haven't seen 'Anchor Man' yet. I heard it was hilarious. I'll have to pick it up.

I can safely say that I'm not naturally funny. Now I do wash my clothes, I shower, I brush my teeth, I use listerine, I comb my hair. I wear nice shirts and pants. So, I can also safely say I have learned to prepare myself for a date.

Do you think its possible to seem too interested in someone? I don't think I hog the conversation (at least I hope I don't), but I am interested in getting to know other people and just enjoy being social.

As far as being myself, I do want to make this note. Now I will say that I am not an extroverted person. I am very introverted. Its a part of me that I like, but I feel like that as I get older, I'm being forced to be more extroverted. Are there girls out there that are into introverted guys?

I think that there are girls who like quiet shy men, but if they are too introverted it can make it very difficult to make a connection.

Could you join some clubs or something ~ to force you to mix with others without too much pressure.

How about amateur dramatics!?

Amateur dramatics? Do you mean like a drama club? I did take an acting class in high school and passed with an A, but I'm really not much of an actor.

Ugh.. the problem I run into with that is that I'm working full time now. I'm putting in 45-50 hours a week, its sometimes difficult to get out and make other commitments right now. Sorry, I don't mean to make excuses, but I have been told in the past to find more hobbies and do more social activities. And I have been following that advice and really trying to get out when I can. I know I just got to give it more time. I live in a college town thats real cliquish. There are a lot of tightly knit groups here. But I am trying.

You know what they say about all work and no play ...
Perhaps that is part of the problem!