He Still Checks his Dating Profile
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I met this guy through an internet dating service. We have been dating for a couple of months now. He has always been quite keen and i was the first girl he met through the site although i have dated many guys before meeting him.
I had taken my profile off the site just before i met him as i was fed up of meeting the wrong kinda guys and he knows this.
We had a date a couple of weeks ago and i asked him how his dating was going and he told me that he had taken his profile off the site and i was his 'first and last'
I regularly check the site to see if he is on there, and although his profile is visible, he hadn't logged in there for the past 3 weeks, which was a good sign to me!
Unfortunately i went into the site today and saw his profile on there and he had logged in within the past 5 days.
I am a bit upset about it and am not sure how to confront him. I don't want to make out that i have been checking up on him but i wish he hadn't lied to me.
How do i tackle this one?
Maybe in fact he was checking in on you - to see if you had been logging in and checking on your own profile! You've known his profile has been up there all this time, so maybe when he said he took his profile down he really meant that he wasn't using it any more to seek out new people.
But when you have a profile up you tend to get email, so he could just be emailing people to tell them he's not interested, instead of just letting all those people feel sad and rejected. That's actually a pretty reasonable thing to do. But of course if he said he planned on *removing* his profile and focussing on you, he should have done that, so there wasn't any distraction or chance for another person to slide into his life while you two were getting hooked up.
Dating sites can be sort of addictive. It's a great rush of self-affirmation, all these people out there saying "I like what you offer". It's sort of like walking down a street and having lots of people turning and saying you look pretty and are fun to be with and are interested in things they like. It can be hard to cut that off when you know that it'll keep coming if you just don't do anything.
In any case, I would address it in a positive, not a negative manner. Choose the next 'anniversary' you guys have - 3 months, 8 weeks, whatever it is. And then go out with him to celebrate, and suggest that you both completely shut down your profiles to be able to fully focus on each other and not to 'tease' other singles out there with your presence. This will give him the chance to shut it off, or to speak up if he has issues about it.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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