She Doesn't Want to Date

Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Male
I'm a male approximately 39 years of age (never married). For the past 4 months I have become good friends with this woman whom I'm extremely attracted to. When we first met she had a boyfriend, who has since completely left the picture.

There has been a lot of flirting going on between us, with the majority from my side.

I took her out to eat about two weeks after she broke-up with her boyfriend and the dinner didn't go as I expected. Although she had no problem agreeing to my invitation and clearly showed a great deal of attention to how she looked that night, the results were not what I had at all hoped for.

When I said that I'd like to take her out, she said she was sorry, but she only sees me as a "very close friend". She added that it may be because that's how she initially envisioned me when we got to know each other.

She also said that there is just no "spark" that you get when you meet someone you want to date. I explained that this "spark" sometimes happens and sometimes doesn't. I added that a lot of people who upon meeting have this "spark", find that it just doesn't hold after a time, and that those who don't initially find this "spark" are often pleasantly surprised after they get to know each other a while longer.

I asked her to at least give it a shot and see what happens, but she was pretty firm.

I still see her about 3 times a week and everything is as it was before our date. We laugh, joke and discuss the most personal of things. For the life of me I can't understand why I can't get her to at least give it a try.

As old as I am I've never been so drawn to any woman as I am to her.

Looking back I believe I may have pushed a bit too hard at times in trying to start this relationship on a romantic track.

She's an extremely attractive woman, and I will expect there to be a rush of suitors at her door when the word gets out that she's available.

How (if possible) can I get her to have a change of heart? Advice
The very best of relationships is between best friends. It may be that she has some sort of MTV idea about what a guy should look like or be like. That would be sad if that's the case. It sounds like you guys already have the most important aspects of a relationship - the ability to talk and be honest. Nothing else really matters.

I have a ton of tips on the site about moving from friend to boyfriend-girlfriend. Read through them and then start taking them step by step.

-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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