Long Distance, Male Friends and Insecurities
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
I've been in a relationship with a girl for 16 months and it's been a long distance relationship. I know she love me a lot and shows me by putting up with my jealous behavior. I am writing to learn more about jealousy and how to prevent hurting/losing my girlfriend.
We live about 800 miles apart, I get to see her only once a month *plane tickets are killing me*, we talk on the phone 24/7 and I feel that one day we will be married... I came from a relationship where my xgf made me feel very secure about my self, up till the point she cheated on me.. I use to be a very trusting person, but ever since I have large amounts of anger inside..
So when I met my current gf, I caught her talking to her xbf and that drove me nuts.. technically it's not cheating but it makes me feels insecure.. A few weeks ago I found out that my girl was talking to some "guy friend" of hers for hours.. and this guy called like 8+ times a day.. That drove me nuts!!! If it's just a friend then why do they need to be talking in the middle of the night for???? Even though I try hard to believe that she is not cheating on me, it just shows me no respect in the fact that she tried to hide talking to some random guy who doesn't have the decency to meet me first to just say hi. I would feel comfortable if I know this guy well.. but fact of the matter is .. I don't! So at this point I told my gf that she couldn't talk to this guy any more, she agreed that it had hurt me and that she wouldn't talk to this guy any more. I called the guy up and warned him not to talk my gf any more and the nerves of this guy to continue "text messaging" her..
I am insecure and my girlfriend is not the one to stroke my ego or confirm that she loves and never tells me that she is content with me. I asked her why she never felt the need to make me feel good about myself.. she stated that "I am proud of you and know how good you are to me, but I didn't think you need me to tell you this"
I guess I don't want to have to tell her to tell me that I'm all that.. it's just nice to hear it once in a while to confirm how special we are for each other..
I am loving and caring and considerate and I do not want anyone else and I have made that more than clear that I want to grow old with her, but when we argue I feel that I have lost control of the situation and I think it would be best for me to seek therapy. My gf is very stubborn and refuses to give it.. so we have me and her being to very bold stubborn people in a relationship.. will this work???
I want to end this awful and destructive behavior, before our relationship is destroyed.. Please tell what I can do to better my self, better our relationship, and if I have anything to worry about...
Insecure and depressed...
On one hand you could work on your jealousy. But on the other hand, this girl is actively deceiving you and spending oodles of time chatting it up with other guys. She's also not supporting you in the relationship. Two people who are partners should WANT to encourage each other and support each other. That's the whole point of being a couple. If she finds that to be too much work, just what does she think dating is about? Apparently her idea of dating is having a harem of guys that she can call or not call at her whim.
I really suggest that you either accept she's not ready for a relationship - or find a way to have you both live near each other to give it a "real try". So far she's proving she's incapable of handling a long distance relationship.
-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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User Submitted Response from a 13-15 year old Male