Trying to Ask a Girl Out

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
I'm a freshman College, and I'm trying to figure out whether to ask this girl out now or try to get to know her better, and if I try to get to know her better, how to go about it. I read your "How do I ask someone out" and I guess it sounds like I should get to know her better (although my Dad's advice is just ask a girl out once you know her a little bit). She is not in any of my classes and I only see her in situations where I can talk to her a for a significant amount of time by chance. This has only happened like 4 times.

One thing I did was asked her to have dinner with me in the dining hall. I had a perfect excuse which justified this. Unfortunately it justified it a little too much, and she brought her friends too. I did talk to her some, but I didn't get to have a conversation with her like I did the first time I met her (because of where people were at the table, we talked to each other and only each other the whole meal). I'm trying to think of some way to make sure that she does not bring friends if I ask her to have dinner again, I'm can't think of anything.

How much do I have to know a girl to ask her out? I mean, people go on blind dates, don't they, so might it be possible to ask a girl out to get to know each other better? Is there something I could ask her to do which would not imply a date but would be just me and her? Is there some other course of action I could possibly follow?

One thing I thought of was just being honest and saying I'd like to get to know her better so I'd like just the two of us to have dinner, but not as an official date. The problem with that is that her knowing I like her and her going would pretty much make it a date (if a mild one) if she agreed to it.

Basically I don't see an opportunity to talk to her a little bit many times, so for her to get to know me better I would need a small number of times that we can talk at length. As far as I can tell, this would require the absense of other people because we wouldn't really get very far in any conversation. Following this, it would also mean our conversations would have time to go to stupid topics like how are your classes to more interesting topics like...any other topic.

Thanks for any advice Advice
The thing with just asking someone out is that you risk failure and as soon as she says NO once it's harder to ask her out again. By doing it in stages you minimize the risk of a NO and can work into a dating situation with much less danger of derailment.

There's no real rush here and there isn't huge harm involved if her friends are there too. She obviously brought them along on purpose, probably because she felt a bit uncomfortable being alone with you. So don't think of that as a bad thing, it meant she DID come have lunch with you where she might have said no otherwise. So do this one or two more times. At some point she'll come alone because she feels safe with you.

-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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