Trying to Ask a Girl Out
We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.
Original Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Male
I'm a freshman College, and I'm trying to figure out whether to ask this girl out now or try to get to know her better, and if I try to get to know her better, how to go about it. I read your "How do I ask someone out" and I guess it sounds like I should get to know her better (although my Dad's advice is just ask a girl out once you know her a little bit). She is not in any of my classes and I only see her in situations where I can talk to her a for a significant amount of time by chance. This has only happened like 4 times.
One thing I did was asked her to have dinner with me in the dining hall. I had a perfect excuse which justified this. Unfortunately it justified it a little too much, and she brought her friends too. I did talk to her some, but I didn't get to have a conversation with her like I did the first time I met her (because of where people were at the table, we talked to each other and only each other the whole meal). I'm trying to think of some way to make sure that she does not bring friends if I ask her to have dinner again, I'm can't think of anything.
How much do I have to know a girl to ask her out? I mean, people go on blind dates, don't they, so might it be possible to ask a girl out to get to know each other better? Is there something I could ask her to do which would not imply a date but would be just me and her? Is there some other course of action I could possibly follow?
One thing I thought of was just being honest and saying I'd like to get to know her better so I'd like just the two of us to have dinner, but not as an official date. The problem with that is that her knowing I like her and her going would pretty much make it a date (if a mild one) if she agreed to it.
Basically I don't see an opportunity to talk to her a little bit many times, so for her to get to know me better I would need a small number of times that we can talk at length. As far as I can tell, this would require the absense of other people because we wouldn't really get very far in any conversation. Following this, it would also mean our conversations would have time to go to stupid topics like how are your classes to more interesting topics like...any other topic.
Thanks for any advice
User Submitted Advice from a 21-30 year old Female
College life is definitely hectic. People are always on their way to a class, a job, a meeting or something else important. In this case, I think you should take your father's advice. When you see this girl and can talk to her alone, ask her if she would like to have dinner with you sometime...maybe suggest an off-campus location (a nice change from the dining hall food). If she accepts, exchange phone numbers or email addresses to set up a date. If she doesn't accept your invitation, still greet her with a wave or a "hello" when she sees you. This is a sure way to keep away any weirdness between the two of you, and you may even be able to become good friends with her over time.
The Original Question and RomanceClass Answer