I want kids, he does not
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
My boyfriend and i have only been together for just over 6 mths! everything is great between us and he says he sees us being long term, theres only one thing and thats that he doesnt want children or to get married! These are things that i feel very strongly about and asked him that if we ever got to that stage would he be prepared to give them to me especially children, he said at that at this point in his life this is how he feels and doesnt think it will change! He said that no matter how much he loves me he will let me go and get on with my life so that i can have these things with someone else!
I believe that if some one loves you than they would do anything for that person but he has different beliefs and now im stuck..... should i stay or should i go no matter how good things are or how much we love each other? What do i do?
Wait a minute, who told you that you should change yourself completely for a guy??? That is completely the WRONG attitude to have about love. Love is about fully accepting each other exactly the way they are. If your attitude about "change to suit your partner's needs" was right - why don't YOU change and decide YOU don't want children and will be happy just being lovers forever? :)
The most important thing in a relationship is communication and trust. He has told you clearly how he feels. You are trying to get him to change! You are telling him you don't accept him the way he is and you want him to alter something very important. This is exactly how divorces happen. You force him to marry, you force him to have kids. He's miserable. A lot of people simply don't like kids. It's fine that you do, but it's also fine that he doesn't. Do you really want to make him miserable and make your potential kids miserable just because YOU wanted to meet your own personal needs and rope this guy into it?
It's as if you wanted something to ride back and forth to work - but you then bought a dog instead of a horse. Are you then going to yell at the dog for not wanting to carry you? Are you going to scold the dog for eating dog food and not grass? Are you going to tell the dog to change? If you love something, you should respect it for what it is. He is a guy that doesn't want kids. Lots of women would LOVE to be with a guy like that, and he would love to be with them, not dealing with kids.
If you love kids, you need to find a GUY who loves kids too, so that you raise them together in a happy home. The very LAST thing you should possibly want to do, if you really like kids, is to deliberately bring them into a situation where they aren't really wanted. That's how child neglect happens.
You can love him dearly and marry someone else. Keep this guy as a great friend, and find a guy who loves kids to raise kids with. Or if you want, change yourself so you don't want kids any more. But forcing HIM to like kids will simply not work. Even if you guilt him into claiming he does, many people simply don't like kids. And when the kids are screaming at 3am, you and the kids will be the ones who suffer when he tells you to handle it yourself.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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