Dating my Female Friend
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
Hello, I'm 22 y.o., and I've fallen in love with a 24 y.o. girl. We've met in the work 5 months ago, and we're now friends. We eat together every day w/ 2 friends. In the first months, she was very talkative and she was very nice to me. But in the last 3 months (I've fallen in love with her in the 2nd or 3rd month) while my feelings were more obvious (and I know she knows how I feel about her) she was making more and more jokes about me (for example: we're talking about going somewhere, and she says to her friends: ok, let's go, but not with [my name]), about how i act and try to make me feel jealous (for example: by talking with her friends about the attractive boys that work there, or by saying "we went out and met 2 guys and we went with them to...", laugh, look how I start feeling jealously, and then say "It's not true.")
When I tell her to go out with me, she says she's busy, or she makes a joke, but never accepts (except sometimes when we go with her friends).
Today I feel even worse. A friend told her "you and [my name] would be a nice couple". She replied: "no, I think [another friend's name] and [my name] would be a nice couple, cuz with me, no way, not even if I'm shot" I didn't know what to say so I didn't say anything but "why do you say that?" She just said to her friend something like "what I said wasn't something small or indirect but something direct" (but in other very different words). Then she left.
My questions are:
- Why does she act like this? I mean, she's my friend, but she likes too much making jokes about me and, feeling like I feel about her, some of her jokes really hurt me. Or does she feel something for me? (I don't know what to think)
- Maybe it's silly to ask but, do I still have a chance to be her boyfriend? If so, how could it be possible? What shall I do?
I really LOVE this girl, so I hope you can help me. Thank you.
It may really be that she WAS being direct and trying to tell you that she's not interested in you. It didn't sound like she was joking, it sounded like she was trying to let you down easily so you didn't keep chasing after her and getting hurt.
Not all couples were meant to be. For some reason she feels that you aren't a good match for her. Why not find a way to have dinner with her alone, as a friend? Then tell her you're making resolutions for self improvement and are looking for ideas. Ask her what she thinks you should work on improving. That'll give you a sense of what she has objections to.
-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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She's Not For You