She's Not Over her Ex

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
Iam seeking help and understanding into my current situation with a girl I met at university a year ago. First of all, I just feel like I'm at a dead end right now. She seemed a very happy person when I first met her, but as I got to know her more, I found out that she had just got out of a strong relationship in which they had moved out together for a few months. She was on ANTI-DEPRESSANTS ever since the incident.

Now initially I managed to take her down to 100mg but now she has increased the dosage back to 170mg which is very alarming to hear from my perspective. She said that the only reason she went down that low was because of me and she isnt coping well with the 100mg.

After reading most of your information on this site, I can say that we are sort of in the stage of the 'crossroads'... I cant call it friends and I cant call it bf/gf yet, she still refers me to be her best friend at the moment. Kisses on the cheeks, hugs and all that are normal everytime we go out like, to a movie.

I miss her everyday, I want to officially ask her to be my g/f but am unsure for the timing...Should i wait until she finally gets of the anit-depressants or should I just take a chance...The problem is that I dont want to lose her.

Sometimes I feel like the flame hsa died out or on very low. I dont know what to do from here... I love her, but she sometimes says that she is still not over her EX.... and its been over a year!

Any suggestions, advice, directions would be greatly appreciated... Advice
Well first I definitely wouldn't be changing her medication!! Medication is a serious issue and only she and her doctor should decide what is best for her at the moment. It's not "bad" that she's on antidepressants - it's a medical necessity. Maybe when her body chemistry is different later she can be on a different dose, but to try to get her to take less because they're "bad" is looking for trouble.

Also, the MOST important person to know what she is ready for is her. You should never, ever try to pressure her into things. It can easily take a year or more to get over a hard breakup, especially if they were together for a while. Is she going to therapy? If she's having a hard time with the recovery process, a therapist might really help out a lot. If she has hit a roadblock, the therapist could help get her unstuck and show her techniques to get her mind clear.

I would most definitely wait until she really feels ready for something new. If you drag her in to a new relationship at all, as soon as it gets the slightest bit hard she'll give up and say she wasn't ready. You need her FULLY ready from the beginning.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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