She's Not Over her Ex
We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.
Original Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Male
Iam seeking help and understanding into my current situation with a girl I met at university a year ago. First of all, I just feel like I'm at a dead end right now. She seemed a very happy person when I first met her, but as I got to know her more, I found out that she had just got out of a strong relationship in which they had moved out together for a few months. She was on ANTI-DEPRESSANTS ever since the incident.
Now initially I managed to take her down to 100mg but now she has increased the dosage back to 170mg which is very alarming to hear from my perspective. She said that the only reason she went down that low was because of me and she isnt coping well with the 100mg.
After reading most of your information on this site, I can say that we are sort of in the stage of the 'crossroads'... I cant call it friends and I cant call it bf/gf yet, she still refers me to be her best friend at the moment. Kisses on the cheeks, hugs and all that are normal everytime we go out like, to a movie.
I miss her everyday, I want to officially ask her to be my g/f but am unsure for the timing...Should i wait until she finally gets of the anit-depressants or should I just take a chance...The problem is that I dont want to lose her.
Sometimes I feel like the flame hsa died out or on very low. I dont know what to do from here... I love her, but she sometimes says that she is still not over her EX.... and its been over a year!
Any suggestions, advice, directions would be greatly appreciated...
User Submitted Advice from a 21-30 year old Male
I'm pretty much in (was) in the same predicament with the girl I like. Everything was great at first. We were in the same college class and one day I get an email from her. From then, we started hanging out alot. Yet, she wasn't over her ex. She had been going out with her ex for only a month-and-a half and then he went to her one day and told her she wasn't the right one for him, and then ended things with her. She was then left with, 'what do I do now?" Yet, she immediately got into a relationship with her other friend, and this friend dumped her after a week. She then met me and I listened about her ex and my liking of another girl. While hanging and talking with her, I started liking her, yet, I didn't know if it was mutual
One night in her truck, I kept her warm in my arms, and thenwe kissed. We felt bad about it, b/c she was hoping in getting back into therelationship with her ex. So weeks past and it seemed that we got closer, yet we were still "friends" or best friends. Nothing seemed to change,nothing I said or did mattered, she wasn't ready for a relationship,yet, we still persisted in hugging and kissing. It was hurtful and confusing not knowing what we wereand her constant hope of rejoining her ex, I was left with, "what about me?"
I set up a romantic Valentine's Day for her and at the end of the night, she told me that no guy had ever treated her with pure romance.
So, to make a long story short, we started having these spats b/c of confusion; I didn't know what we were, what nature our relationship was..we were dating I guess and she ended that b/c of my lack of communication of my feelings..but I was afraid to express my feelings, b/c they consisted of me wanting to be with her and I didn't want to make her mad or upset at me, so I kept them in. My feelings did matter, b/c in my heart I could love her and would treat her like a queen, yet she still yearned for her ex and only after a monthand a half! I don't mean to question this love, but if she was so head over heels for him, she wouldn't have jumped in a relationship with her friendm.
One thing I learned from this, is to not get involved with someone who just broke up with their ex, b/c if they are not over there ex, then you'll start comparing yourself with their ex's like I did. I felt like I wasn't good enough to be with her.
I wish that I could reverse time and not to be "relationship" focused with her; not spending alot of time trying to understand "our" situation,but to continue to be there for her as a friend. Now, what her and I had is gone.
My friend, my advice to you would be to to continue being friends with her, but don't kiss nor embrace her, cuz its going to be hard for you and it will confuse you. Your heart is important and it doesn't deserve to be broken! Take itfrom someone who knows
what you're feeling. Don't make the same mistake I did..I miss the girl I like alot--but, its easier for me not to see her alot, b/c its hard.
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