A month ago after we broke up I removed him from my friend's list on facebook. I'm not sure if he just realized it or not, but tonight he sent me a friend request...
I'm thinking I should decline but I was wondering if that would be best? I also considered just ignoring it and not answering it...but then he might call me and I don't want him to call my house...
Any suggestions? I don't want him to call my house, but also I don't want to be unfriendly/rude. Furthermore, I don't have many friends on Facebook but I don't feel desperate to have friends who treat me like second best...
Maybe this is just silly or stupid, but I have all of those things in my head so I'm not sure which approach to take.
Sorry to hearing that, I do have same problem, hahaha, you have problem with your ex boyfriend and i have problem with my so called (ex) girlfriend.... but I think you can add him in facebook. after all you have nothing to lose anymore...
What is there to lose? my self respect and dignity are just a few things...
I guess I can always ignore the request...he might assume that I don't use facebook much anymore
Ignore or decline. Wipe your hands clean of this guy. As I said before in your old posts, you deserve so much better.
ok so he hinted today about being friends even taking things slow (like I figure a relationship) but I told him I don't want to be friends, or even date him. he reacted funny, he said ok, looked mad and stormed over to his table and then out of the cafeteria...
I sort of feel bad or guilty because I feel like I am not being mature about this, but I really don't want to be his friend, not after how he treated me when I was his gf...and he didn't even call me since we broke up so now he wants to be friends?
am I immature to handle it this way?
No. Don't let him make you feel bad. It is your choice and no one can force you to be friends with them. The great thing about friendship is that it is a mutual appreciation of one another. The same goes for relationships.
Wow, he is finally leaving me alone! The last two days he hasn't spoken to me or bothered me!
I guess he either moved on or someone told him to back off.
Your not doing anything he hasn't done, your just being more honest about it. You go girl.
No he's back! I don't know why he hasn't talked to me in the last 2 days (I don't care) but I figured he gave up...he did not.
He is telling people he dumped me...and I said if he dumped me why is he always talking to me? And he said he just wants to be friends, and he even has a new gf...
But if he is so into his new gf, then why does he sit a few tables away and watch me at lunch time?
He knows I am not interested in a friendship but he still comes to talk to me...I even told him that I burned his pictures. Does that not make you think that I am not interested in speaking with him?
I'm ready to just say if you don't leave me alone, stay on his end of the cafeteria, that I am going to ask the security guards to tell him to leave me alone...I think that is extreme though?
I'm sorry, Dagny, but I cannot understand this situation at all. I couldn't from the beginning.
You used to think that he was a wonderful boyfriend, whom you intended to marry.
It's as if he wants you and doesn't want you at the same time. He wants you to be his friend, his girlfriend, his fiancee, his wife, etc, but he also wants to date others and he doesn't seem to treat your views with respect.
I'm confused by this.
I would simply suggest that you heed your gut reaction.
Well...he started out a great guy. He was nice in the beginning, but he kinda turned into a jerk (my mom's words)
someone told me to tell him to stop talking to me and leave me alone. if he doesn't walk away, then I am supposed to speak loud enough for people around us to hear, say something like "I've told you again and again that I don't want to be your friend or to talk to you, now leave me alone"
they said that he will be embarrassed by the other people seeing him rejected and leave me alone. I think that will work, at least for a day.
If he comes back again I might contact the campus security...it is a last resort though...
I'll let you know how it works out.
Speaking from a guys view, If you accept his invite he will think he can get back with you or persue a sexual relationship with. I know that sounds silly and shallow but this how a guys mind works if i am being honest.
If you want to persue something with him then accept the invite. If not and you want to move on, ignore the invite and block him from your list.
All the best.
That is what my mom told me, Nicky. That is what I told him actually, that he wanted to be free of me before, why is he trying to be friends with me now.
But how does that explain that he says he has a girlfriend?
Lucky I don't have classes until Wednesday...
You obviously have decided that you are through with him and for whatever reason, he is still interested. Perhaps it is the thrill of the persuit. Now that he can't have you he wants you. In any case, I would be very careful about how you proceed with this man. You really don't know how he will react to being humiliated or embarrased. I think that refusing all contact and not listening to advice from well meaning friends may be the best. You don't want him to try and get even or turn nasty for some perceived slight. Ignore Ignore Ignore. If this fails to achieve the result you want, then speaking to someone in authority may be necessary. It is not normal for someone to continue to persue someone in this manner and smacks of "stalking". I am sure he does not want to get that reputation as it will be very difficult to get dates with other eligible females in the future. Try to avoid telling people about his persistance or making threats to him or publicly embarrassing him, as it is possible it could backfire or inflame the situation. Unfortunately, a bad boyfriend has now turned into an even worse ex-boyfriend.
I do worry about his reaction if I follow through with that, Joandboys. I remember when we were dating a girl said something that was embarrassing to him on his facebook wall and he got very mad.
But ignoring him is not working. He still thinks he can talk and be friends with me, and I don't want him in my life. I can't do anything about him watching me in the Student Union building though...but even if I can get him to stop talking to me that would be better than nothing.
Luckily we have campus police, and I think if it turns out bad, and he doesn't back off I will take it to them. The only reason I have hesitated doing this is that I don't want him to get in trouble (still the nice person in me) but I think I might give him a heads up at least, like if you don't leave me alone the campus police will be notified of this situation.
In some ways it might look like he is just wanting to be friends, and being nice, but if he was really nice he would leave me alone, right?
Is it really stalking? That is what I told my mom it was like, but I didn't know if that was the right word or not...
Hopefully he will like this new girl and stick with her rather than bothering me.
Not really knowing him or his personality ~ or knowing you, either, it's difficult for me to be sure what to think.
Just being polite but distant could work ~ but if you feel that it won't & it isn't what you want, then maybe you do need to make it clear to him that your relationship with him is completely over ~ even as friendly aquaintances and, if you do intend to involve campus police, to give him a warning and then stop the contact completely.
You have discussed this with your mother ~ what does she think?
If he has girlfriend and is still persuing you this tells me all i need to know about him. He ain't worth it.
Dagny, you sound, from the vocabulary you use, as if you may be a little afraid of this perason.
He may or may not be a stalker; he may or may not just want to remain friends, but, if you feel that he is to be feared, then you should be wary and follow your gut instinct. Perhaps you shouldn't be contacting him at all ~ not even to warn him about campus security ~ just in case.
My mom thinks he should leave me alone. I told her I was going to ask him to stop talking to me and if he doesn't say it loud enough for everyone to hear.
She doesn't want me to be friends with him either. She doesn't see why he deserves me as his friend. Also she says if he bothers me to tell the campus police, and she told me which one to tell. She is friends with one of them, and she says that he is no nonsense. (he is tough on students who do not follow rules)
She has even told my dad about how the guy still talks to me, and my dad says that he should leave me alone.
Dagny, you sound, from the vocabulary you use, as if you may be a little afraid of this person.
He may or may not be a stalker; he may or may not just want to remain friends, but, if you feel that he is to be feared, then you should be wary and follow your gut instinct. Perhaps you shouldn't be contacting him at all ~ not even to warn him about campus security ~ just in case.
I don't contact him, he comes over and talks to me...plus we are in the cafeteria (a public place) when he talks to me...so I don't think he would get away with anything physical there.
I just would hate if he just wanted to be friends (in a harmless way) to be written up or something and then get in a bunch of trouble...
Maybe I am just a little afraid because the night we broke up he tried to keep my from leaving his house (physically) but it did not work.
I don't think he will hurt me on campus...there are little poles with buttons on if you need help, such as an emergency, robbery anything, someone will assist you
Since you who have been close to him cannot tell whether he is harmless or not, then it is not possible for us to know.
What about others who know him?
How do people respond to him?
What do your friends, relatives and fellow-students think of him?
I agree that it would be very bad if he got a reputation as an aggressive stalker, when all he wants is to remain friends.
Equally, it would be bad if he harmed you, and you hadn't been prepared to protect yourself.
But do you have any real reason to believe that he could be violent or aggressive?
He never met any of my family/friends at home, just my mom and one friend we had mutually. She though he was a great person, and said he would be a good boyfriend for me. I know she really liked him as a person, and I took that as a sign when I started dated him that he was a good person.
I am not really friends with any of his other friends, but yes he has friends. They tend to be...drinkers and well I don't drink so we never got together and I never met them.
I met one of his friends one time, they hadn't seen each other since high school.
I don't have any real reason to believe he might be violent/aggressive other than those on here who say he does have red flags for an abusive person. The night I left/broke up with him he was very angry though and said something about wanting to hit a wall, but I got out of there and didn't hang around to see if he did of course...
Peoople can, of course, get very emotional ~ upset & angry, etc ~ when they break up.
I know, thats why I really don't want to get him into trouble for nothing...overall he is a nice guy I think...hopefully he will move on and leave me alone though
Update: ok so I didn't go through with what I planned, but my friend told him to leave me alone. Today he did not talk to me or anything, but when he sees me he waves (I ignore him)
I actually decided to hide in the corner and eat lunch. I figured he would not find me there, but his friend (he said she was his girlfriend but I don't believe it) actually sat down at the table across from me! Like the cafeteria was pretty much empty, and usually she sits out in the main room, I was hiding in the corner of the other side of the cafeteria...
well he went and sat with her, at a chair where he could watch me. I don't know, I might be being paranoid but it seems as if she "found" me and sat there deliberately so it looked like he had a reason to sit there too. (is that paranoid?)
I think Wednesday if this happens I might move to another table (which I have already done when I was sitting in the main room and she sat at a table and then he sat with her and watched me...
yea, I've told alot of people and they agree that is strange. Out of all the tables in the room and she sits near me, his ex girlfriend? And he had to sit in the chair that faced me...part of me thinks I am just being paranoid, overreacting, but the other part thinks that this is deliberate or something.
It's difficult to know what is going on here ~ yet again!
Well tomorrow I'm going to eat upstairs on the balcony...he has never ate up there (I don't know if he knows it is there) but if he follows me up and sits up there, then I know something is up.
I wish there was a rule or something, like he eats on one side of the cafeteria and me on the other side...
I ate upstairs today! (I snuck up there) I can just imagine him walking around the cafeteria looking for me! I even saw him walking outside, he didn't find me! I guess this will give me space and peace, at least while there is nice weather or until he finds my hiding place...
Well accept his friend request so that makes him think that u really dont care about the relationship and dont ever message him make him message you first. Okay
Melissa
Dagny do you have to eat in the cafeteria? Are you in highschool? If so than that explains that you do have to eat there. I am just wondering if you have to eat at the same place he does because I am not familiar with your situation. Otherwise, it seems to me that you still have feelings for him. It is ok if you have feelings for him, they just do not go away overnight. If you can try to take yourself completely out of his life.
Lady-I am in college and there is only one cafeteria/place to eat though it is a pretty big dining room. I don't have the time or money to run off campus and eat at a different restaurant so I eat there.
No I do not have feelings for him. I just really wish he would leave me alone and stop watching me. And I do not think he deserves to be my friend. His behavior and actions at our break up and later shows how much of a jerk he is. And I am only friends with people I like and who are nice people.
After all, alot of the times he talked to me in the cafeteria (as friends) he was trying to put me or someone else down. (apparently he doesn't like retarded people).
I don't know if I can try to get out of his life, I'd just like him out of mine.
It must be very trying, but you have your studies and there are lots of other people there ~ presumably you have friends there ~ so try to ignore this and not let it get to you. Some people get a thrill out of winding other people up.