RomanceClass.com Forums Romance Breaking Up Long story, short?

Barbara,

I maybe just want what I cannot have.

I will learn to read myself. I will learn to be truthful not only to myself but also to others. I do not want to have regrets anymore.

But still be yourself ~ it's ok to take advice and re-evaluate, but don't just be what other people want you to be.

Hehe.

There are two MEs. One told myself that I should give it a try, and see whether I can still get him back. The other said "No. He is just not that into you." I am trying to find the correct or the whole me through asking questions and getting responses from you.

When he said he can not go to the dealership with me, I really told myself that he was only available to help me via email, and he did not want to meet me face to face.

Yes, maybe he would be happier as your friend, rather than your lover.

Yes. That is the signal.

So do I still need to contact him, and make some explanation? Or just leave it there, in my mind?

whereislove - you know this is your decision - but you don't seem to be able to let it go. Contact him - make your peace.

I don’t know how to quote, but I’ll make comments to the points you make through out this thread. First of all, you mentioned “He said "men need to have sex." I don’t know how most people would feel, but that’s pretty offending to me. I, too, like you - associate sex with a potential long-term lover – who truly cares for me and possible a future together. My ex & I were together for over a year (he’s Hispanic) but I still couldn't get myself to “that” level with him. And he never once made me feel guilty or pressured me into it. He was also 10 years older, quite more experienced than I was at the time too. Believe me, not every man needs to have sex just a couple months (geeze even couple years) into the relationship. If someone loves you enough, he WILL sacrifice the waiting until you are 100% ready. You also mentioned “I just did not feel that he really cared about me that much. He said, he did. I just cannot tell.” I’ve dated men who truly cared & loved me without sweet talking & expensive jewelries. And I’ve also been with those who always say they love me, shower me with gifts – but I just could not feel their love. I definitely think love can be a very complicated situation, but able to feel it should not be that difficult & confusing... There seem to be a lot of barriers between you two, your philosophy & expectation in a relationship are very different from his. My all time favorite love quote is this, and you’ve probably already heard it before “To love is not to look into each other’s eyes, but to look together in the same direction.” You & him already tried to work it out twice, what are you (or him) planning to do it differently to make it work this time? Besides, if he’s already dating another woman, how are you gonna pursue him to come back to you? If he does, do you think he’s back because he really loves you & cannot live without you – or it’s simply out of sympathy? Re-evaluate everything you told us here, and just see yourself if it’s really worth it. Believe me, letting go of a relationship is not easy at all (I have my share on this countless times). But I think if there’s a will, there’s a possibility for anything, even when you think you hit rock bottom & cannot get that person out of your mind. I didn’t have time tonight to read through everything you wrote, but at least the important points. Hope everything works out well for you. Best wishes & good luck!!!

Thanks.

Feelings or love cannot be calculated using equations. One confusion I get is how GOOD is goog enough.

Some friends suggest that I should lower my standard. Obviously I do not want to. Or is it really hard for me to get content?

whereislove - mabe your friends are not wanting to lower your standard, but rather to be realistic. Honestly - the story book "fall in love, get married, and live happily ever after" does not happen just like that.

Let me ask you this - is your parents marriage a story book marriage - or is it a union that works?

Sometimes you have to choose from "warm and fuzzy" "fireworks" or somewhere in between. I don't think your standards are too high, they are just unrealistic. It just sounds like you have ideals that no man is going to live up to. You gotta kiss a lot of frogs to find a prince.

I am quoting Lisa Shea re: dating
It's like learning to ride a bike. You fall several times before you succeed. You'll have to date - and break up with - several people before you find the right person.