RomanceClass.com Forums Romance Breaking Up I can't believe this is the end

Well, to everyone who has seen my topic in the "Dating" section...

I'm breaking up with my boyfriend. My father's decision is final and this might just be better for both of us. It hurts, a lot, but to keep the families at peace, I think it's for the better.

Now, I plan to tell him this on Wednesday, the first day of school. I want to get to school early so I can explain myself to him.

I'm not really one for a plan of action, but here's what I got so far on short notice:

- Get to school early and find him
- Separate ourselves from our group of friends for privacy
- Talk to him gently and calmly
- Tell him it would be better to break up
- Still want to be good friends with him
- Ask if he will take my friendship offer

What you guys think? Any advice for me?

just a thought: you could say something like "his friendship has been very valuable to you" or "I hope we can someday be friends again" the line "still want to be good friends with you" is such a cliché. I know you sincerely mean it when you say you want to remain friends - but quite often guys are not of that mindset.

True. I never thought of it that way. But if I can't love him intimately anymore, I at least would like to love him as a friend. See what I mean?

sometimes that is impossible - especially for guys
Good luck - this won't be easy - but it will be the best for now.

I presume that your boyfriend knows what your father has said?

If so, then he will know that this isn't a typical break-up, so he should understand that if you cannot have him as your boyfriend, at least you will want to keep him in your life as your friend, until such time as your father relents, perhaps.

Good luck & take care of yourself.

Actually not. I plan to tell him on Wednesday. I don't want to be a coward and break up with him via text or phonecall. I want to do this face to face.

I want to keep him in my life. I love him, but it is a love that will have to be kept at a distance. Like I said before: if I can't love him as a boyfriend, I want to love him as a friend. And perhaps, perhaps even as an older brother (that's what happened to this other guy I loved. After we broke it we loved each other as siblings. Heh, we even call each other 'big brother' and 'lil sister').

I hope that you can work something out and that your boyfriend will understand

That's gonna take a whole lot of understanding... which I hope will come easily.

I'm sure that he will be both upset and understanding ~ hope so

Ok, so all of that whole 'break-up' scene didn't quite go as I imagined (happened yesterday).

When he got to school, I pulled him aside, sat him down and told him that I had something important, and rather hurtful, to tell him... And so I told him that I wanted to break-up with him.

He was beyond upset and angry at me. He refused to look me in the eye or say a single word to me. I begged him not to be mad, but he felt like I was just tossing him aside. Then he got up and walked away from me.

I approached my girls and told them what happened. I don't know what happened next, but I burst out crying. I mean, he didn't even want to look at me!

So I went to my social worker and explained to her what happened and along with the consequences if it didn't. We chatted for a bit. When I walked out, he was sitting outside her office and I got such a fright. I hurried away as quick as I could, knowing it was his turn to talk to her.

When I saw him at first break, he seemed more relaxed, but I could see he was still upset. He pulled me aside and we started talking. He said the social worker explained to him what I explained to her and he understands better now.

I must say the friendship thing is harder then I had imagined. We still hug each other, but everytime we do, I expect at least a kiss from him. And now I don't get it anymore... It feels incomplete Take today for instance, we couldn't get over each other! And... he kissed me before my afterschool art class. It felt so unreal. I know I want it, and I can see he wants it too, that we both don't want to be just friends, but there is no other way. But I was like: a kiss doesn't mean we're together, does it? People do it all the time and I've kissed guys on the lips before when they were just friends. No big deal?

He SMSed me earlier to say that he wants to give everything I gave him back. I begged him not to, but I can understand why. It hurts to look at material gifts of love. I hurt too when I take his ring in my hand or hold my teddy bear while I sleep. But no matter how much it hurts, I will never discard them because I know what they did and what they still do stand for.

So now what? This is so difficult... I feel confused...

I can understand how you both feel.

What's worse it that today, afterschool, we randomly found each other wondering into our 'spot' at school, the place we always went to if we wanted to be alone.

And then the worst thing happened...

We started making out and used light touches...
It took me a while to come to my senses and say what we were doing is wrong. He was upset about it, and I don't blame him because I want it as much as him.

But...

What am I to do? We can't resist each other and now we have to be apart? It's so difficult...

Yes, it is going to be difficult.

But how are we going to 'outgrow' our love for each other? I see him everyday at school: before, during breaks and in the passages, as well as afterschool. It's not like I can just turn a blind eye to his image...

I know ~ and I wish that there was something that I could say to help.

Maybe things were getting too serious, too soon, between the two of you, and your father thinks that it is time to put on the brakes. He may even be right??

You can still see this boy, and be close friends with him ~ at least you are not banned from seeing him.

Maybe, in time, if your father can learn to believe that you will not let things go too far, just maybe he will relent a little.

Well, I guess we did get too serious too fast. We only knew each other (literally) for less then 3 months before we became an official couple. We went from being complete strangers to being in an intimate relationship really quickly. Perhaps it was time to put on the brakes.

But I've been thinking...

Everything that we still wanted to do for each other, we've decided to go ahead with a few of them:

- He's always wanted me to wear a dress and be more 'like a girl' (since I'm always in pants and sneakers, having this very boyish attitude). So for Friday, 13th February (probably when we celebrate Valentine's Day at school) I'll give him that wish. I already bought my dress: it's pure black satin, strapless and has a ribbon around the waist to tie a bow. Well, the dress took quite a bit of money (about three hundred South African rands), but it's worth it for him. Now I'm completing the look with new shoes and a matching jacket. Yeah, it's a bit over the top, but I want to do it. I've always wanted to give him that (it makes me kinda feel good too)

- At the Talent Show at the end of the year, I plan to dedicate a song to him as I did last year. Actually, we are both doing an act dedicated to each other. I plan to sing a song called "Halo" by Beyonce. It's a really difficult song in my ears, but I plan to perfect it by that time. The song holds a lot of meaning in it for me (best to check it out and listen to it to get the feeling).

- When we're both older, we plan to go to Italy together (possibly for my 21st birthday). We decided on this last year and I expressed the idea openly at a birthday party.

I'm trying to look at the positive side of things.

Maybe, if he agrees, I can put a small plan of my own into action: Since I can't go to his Graduation Dance with him, maybe we can have a small dance of our own. Maybe a day afterschool when we're both free? We both wanted to be each other's partner, so this might be a memorable chance, and an only chnace at that.

What you think?

I just think that whatever you do, you must be sure not to antagonise your father any further, as you don't want a complete ban.

Why does your dad have to know your dating him? Can't you just keep it at school. and let your parents think your just friends? Thats what I would have done.

To ma'am PDM: Don't worry. I don't plan on antagonising my dad. Well, considering Valentine's Day, I'm part of the group organising it, so I have my reasons to look nice. Talent Show-wise, my father never knew I did it last year, so it would be no big deal this year. And the Italy thing... it's only a few years from now. By then my dad should have cooled off.

To Kila&Makena: We've considered it, but the consequences following it are very high if I get caught out and it's a risk I'm not sure that I want to take.

I'm just playing my cards safe

Good idea

Ok, so like, I didn't go to school today because I'm sick in bed (yuck, I hate staying at home!). I called my best friend for an update on what happened at school. In between that she said my 'ex' looked very down because I wasn't there.

I never knew an absence could affect him that badly...

So I'm going back tomorrow because I can't afford to miss out. I'm nowhere near recovered, but I need to get back on my feet. I'll take my meds with me and such. But there's one thing bugging me...

My 'ex', or from now on let's call him 'Blaze'. I think it's about time I called him by name. So Blaze sent me a text message saying that we need to talk tomorrow and that I have to give my father a letter written by him. Now I hope this letter doesn't work on my dad even more, becuase then I sit with the mess.

What am I to do? I can't just tell Blaze I won't give it, but do you think it would be wise for me to read it first?

Hello!

Sorry to hear that you are feeling unwell.

I hope that you will be better soon.

Now, about this letter. Maybe it's a good idea for your friend to write to your Dad ~ or maybe not.
I suppose it rather depends on how your Dad might react.

Since you are more likely to know than he is, then, yes, I rather think that it would be as well if you read it first.

But then again, I may be wrong

Ok, I took the letter to my social woker and she says it can't so any harm. So wish me luck...

That was a good idea ~ and good luck!

Ok, so I gave the letter and it had no effect. I was expecting that, but Blaze didn't take it too well.

So all was ok until Blaze decided that he couldn't take it anymore. I had written a letter to his mom to clarify some things from my side, but he didn't come last Friday for me to give it to him to give to his mom.

Yesterday I had a birthday party (today's my b-day) at the beach and left my cellphone at my aunt's flat. When I got back, there were 15 missed calls and one message on my phone. I messaged Blaze back as to say that we were at the beach and I couldn't talk right then. He got so upset with me.

Then I re-registered myself on Facebook now the other day. I have friends from overseas that I've never met but have seen pics of, chatted to and seen on webcam. My one friend, Scott, and I have known each other going on 4yrs now. Blaze really hates that I talk to people I haven't met. I know there's a danger, but if Scott was a sexual predator he would have asked for sex a long time ago. Scott is like a big brother to me and he cares for me. He was even the first to wish me for my b-day. So what's the big deal? And why the hell is he getting so upset? He can't control my life.

And today... on the day I turn 16... did the worst thing happen...

I got to school and scheduled an appointment with the social worker for 5th period. When the time came, she had a crisis and I waited 40min for her, leaving me with 10min to talk to her. I didn't mind of course. Other people need her more than I do. But when I went in, she said Blaze's mom dropped off a bag for me. It was a brown paper bag taped closed. In it... was everything that I had ever given him as a gift. All the poems and photos I gave him were ripped up... He returned the 18k silver cartouche I brought for him from Egypt... And all the gifts put together, I'm sure, is worth more than 500 South African rands... that's a lot of cash for a teenager.

I can't believe he did this to me! On my birthday! He only wished me late tonight. It's so... I don't know. I don't know how I feel about him anymore. I don't know how to deal with this. Even my social worker was shocked, and it take a lot to shock her. Now how do you think I feel...

Help me... please...
________________________________

On a positive note, I think I may be taking an interest in someone else. His name is Jamie. He'll be 16 in the next three months. We liked each other since last year. During November on camp, we slept in the same bed one night. He kissed me. He comforted me when I felt depressed.

And... I really like him, A LOT. We've thought about getting together, but it's too soon. I might invite him to go to my Valentine's Day dance with me. But I don't have the nerve.

You know, he was the first to send me a SMS for my b-day. Isn't he sweet. Everytime I look at him, my heart races and I can't stop thinking about him.

Perhaps he and I... I don't know... some day...

Hello

I suggest that you don't rush into things. Your Dad may react again with this lad.

Beginning a new relationship now, while you are still so involved with feelings for the other boy, and with your Dad angry, and your (ex) boyfriend so obviously very upset, is probably not a good idea.

PS.

And happy birthday ~ belatedly!

I won't rush into things. All I want to do is get to know him better on a friendship level at first.

Thanks for the birthday wish.

Ok, sue me for double-posting! XD

I just want to say that I'm scared for tomorrow. Not because it's Friday the 13th, but because we celebrate Valentine's Day at my school tomorrow. I'm scared it will open up wounds...

This is bound to happen.
It's just the way life is.
It's all part of living, learning, growing, coping, etc, etc.
Good luck with it

Well, he wasn't at school yesterday. But what he left me was a real shocker: 3 teddy bears, a pillow, a mirror, 2 mugs, a packed of sweet, 3 artificial roses and a real one... all in the name of Valentine's Day... Why would he spoil me like this? I hate it when people spend money on me...

He still cares.
Simple as that.

OK, so I got a bit of startling news.

Blaze is going back to the clinic he was in. He might be at school this week, but he'll be 'living' at the clinic.

Gosh, I feel so horrible. It feels as if I'm the reason he's going back there. I haven't exactly been the nicest person ever to him in this passed week...

I'm a bit confused.

The way I see it ~ in spite of that other boy you mentioned ~ is that you have split up with him only because your father said that you had to.

Your father must have thought that things were getting too serious or going too far ~ and maybe he was right. You respected his wishes.

But, from the way you presented the behaviour of your 'ex' ~ sending back presents, etc ~ it sounds as if he thought that it was either your idea, to finish, or that you went along with it happily. However, he did write that letter, so maybe not??? I can't work it out.

I am not suggesting that you disobey your father, but I do wonder if you explained things clearly to this boy, and let him down gently.

You can still be friends. Maybe you could get back together, when you are older and if your father then agrees to it, so why are you not being 'the nicest person ever'? Is it because of the returned gifts?

Don't worry, I tend to confuse people.

To be honest, I only DID spilt up with him because my dad said so. We want to be together, we are 'together' in a sense, but I don't want to betray my father. I explained why we should break up to him, but... I don't know... I can't deny my feelings for Blaze... I can't get him out of my head... not matter how hard I try. Even the new boy doesn't make Blaze disappear!

I'm not 'the nicest person ever' because I'm under so much stress and I'm not coping with school. I took out all my anger and stress on Blaze... I didn't mean to, but I tend to snap on people that force me into telling them what's wrong and that 'play around' when I'm not in the mood for jokes...

Yes, it must be very difficult for both of you.

It is, to the point where it is unbearable. Sometimes I wish I could just lie down beside him, not as his friend, but as someone who is involved with him on an intimate level... At times I wish I could just scream his name and in a flash he'd be here to comfort me... I miss his embrace... it's the only thing that would restore me to a right frame of mind. He was my cure. He uncovered things about me that even my social worker took forever to figure out. He was my Hope, my Angel... it's not everyday my Sight lets me see someone with wings...

I know this sounds weird, especially if you don't believe in the supernatural or Gifts...

I want him back!

Maybe, in time, you can sort this out.

Either, as you grow older, you will grow further apart, or, as you grow older, you will have the chance to be together again.

Try to remain friends and to be patient.
I know that it is hard to do this.

Patience is NOT one of my virtues.

I want him so badly... but I can't even tell him that...

-sigh- I feel so trapped

HELP! I'm so confused!

I knew I shouldn't have been alone with Blaze last night because we got SO carried away with each other. Don't worry, we didn't have sex, but we got really intimate. Darnit, I can't contain my love for him any longer. It's getting more and more difficult.

What am I to do?!

Hello 'Ashes':)

I'm sorry, but I just don't know what to say. I wish that I did.

I know that you two are very attracted to each other and find it hard not to be intimate.

Personally, I think that young people should wait before becoming intimate. However, I know that many do not.

The reason that you cannot be with your boyfriend is that your father knows this, too, and fears you having sex ~ and all that goes with it: ~ unwanted pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases, loss of 'respect' from others, not having virginity at marriage, etc, etc.

Is there any way that you can convince him that you will keep the relationship 'innocent', if you are allowed to be together?

Of course, you would then have to keep to your promise, but it would probably be easier if your emotions were not so heightened by the situation that you are in.

Could your aunt act as a mediator, perhaps?

There's no way my fater would let me be with him... EVER. My stepmom even tried and failed, so there's no point.

I really don't want to go behind my dad's back like this and I sound like a push-over when I say 'I can't help it'... but I'm attracted to Blaze: physically, sexually, emotionally and all the rest. Whenever I'm with him, I wear his promise ring on my ring finger and he binds it to me with the chain it's attached to. That ring would have bonded us in marriage, the same ring he proposed to me with. And I know you'd probably say "You're too young to be thinking of marriage!" but I would like to marry him some day. -sigh- I don't know what to do. My heart races whenever I catch a glimpse of him or hear him speak one word. I get the shivers everytime he hugs me or holds my hand. I can't help it. I really want to be with him, but I'm torn between two loyalties: Blaze and my dad.