RomanceClass.com Forums Romance Breaking Up Am I in a Desperate Situation Now?

"You are right, PDM. I have to give him a lot more time if I want to communicate with him now. And now after my Swedish girl's letters with pushing and threatening, I dont know... maybe even more and more time now. I realy don't know now. How long? 1 month? 3 months? half a year? I really don't know."

And yesterady, Hollewen, it was our first date three years ago... i was very very tempted to write something to him. And I did not at the end.

Should I write him anything or not now? And if i should, what should I write? And what if he will never response?

Sorry for all the questions...

I think that you should just wait a while ~ but I don't know.

i dont know either:(

However, he is a very very soft-hearted guy before, who gets emotional and cries easily. From the letter he wrote me maybe you can see.
Thus, I was still thinking that maybe that i should write him more emails talking about the things happened between us. Like yesterday, Hollewen, and it was our first date three years ago. I just want to mention something happend between us back then.

Anyway, I was thinking about the soft approach. And start writing my daily life in MSN space, and try to show him that i can be independent and change in different ways.

Thats what im thinking now.

New development:

I sent him an email last night, talking about our first date on Hollewen three years ago and then the next Hollewens. He did not reply.

Today, I sent him a text message, telling him that i have sth. to ask him for, and need his help.

Then he replied. I was very supprised.

Firstly, we just talked about sth. about my study.
And then we started to talk about my job now. And he really got interested. He kept on asking me about my salary, and i joked that how can you be so nosy. He said, this was my life in Shanghai before.(I always ask him:)before) And he even talked some Chinese with me like what we did before.

I mentioned sth. about his hand line, and said it's not so good. He said, not a good life, right? i said i m sorry to say so. He said not a big surprise, but he perfers not to know, coz it doesnt make him any happier. And I then said, but you met me, and i will never make you have a bad life. But i know i gave you too much excitedment. He said yes yes yes.

Finally, he had to go, and i said ok talk next time then. He normally just left. But this time, he told me, im going to take a shower and then watch football game with a bunch of guys. I was so happy that he said so, coz then i know he was not going out to date.

This is it. A 40-minute talk. I dont know whether its a good sign, or just a bad sign, coz my Chinese friends just think it may show that he totally let it go already. So he can talk with me as a normal friend.

i dont know how it works in a Western way.....Thanks...

he gave me a letter like this just now, and i cried until my head gets hurt...

The reason that I have not replied your emails and text messages for along time, is that you keep ignoring it when I tell you that we are over and will not get back together. My biggest worry talking to you yesterday was that you would think that it means something more than it does. That you immediately will start sending me messages and calling and emailing all the time, because I have fought so hard to get you to stop that. But this is excactly what you did. You showed me very vclearly, that I cannot talk with you as a friend, you refuse to believe that I am only a friend. Since you refuse to listen to my words, like you always have, you are forcing me to show you the only way that I can, which is not to accept emails, calls and messages. Maybe in some weeks we can try to chat again if by then you finnally start listening to what I say instead of making up the world you want. But for now, dont contact me, I will erase messages and emails from you, and not receive your calls. ACCEPT IT WE ARE OVER! SOrru to be harsh but you keep ignoring what I say.

Your friend
*****

But Crystalheart, you cannot, surely, be too surprised by this. This is what he has been saying all along.
He cares about you, but he cannot cope, any longer, with a relationship with you, because, as he sees it, you put too much pressure on him.

It is a harsh truth that you will have to accept.

But, if you want him in your life at all, then you are going to have to accept it.

I am not saying who is right or wrong, simply pointing out what you have been telling us, but which you do not seem able to believe.

No-one knows what the future may bring ~ who knows if he may even change his mind one day ~ but the emotional pressure that your messages put on him is exactly what he finds so difficult to deal with.

I'm guessing that he feels a bit suffocated by your devotion. Not everyone can cope with it. People need freedom; even loving couples need to have lives of their own and to have control over their lives. I think that he felt out of control.

Take what you can from this ~ his affection and friendship. It may seem sad and unfair, but it will be better than falling out completely.

I do feel very sorry that your love is now unrequited ~ that is painful ~ but be positive.
You are educated and intelligent.
Start doing positive interesting things - for you.

He said 'My biggest worry talking to you yesterday was that you would think that it means something more than it does' and that is no surprise. If you want a relationship with him now, it will have to be on his terms ~ friendly but acknowledging that he no longer wants this to be a romantic entanglement.

Tell him that you accept this, even though it desperately saddens you to say it, but that his friendship is better than nothing, and that you will try very hard not to put pressure on him to change his mind, because that is how he wants it and you are willing to respect that. Tell him that you know he understands you and how hard it will be, but that you will try because you realise that you have caused him emotional turmoil in the past. Acknowledge that he is causing you emotional turmoil now, but admit that you don't want a bitter falling out.

And no matter how hard it is for you to do this ~ be truthful when you say it. If you cannot say it truthfully, then you will need to agree with him that it's best not to communicate at all for now.

Good luck!

thanks so much for your help...PDM

I already deleted all his emails, text messages, and his phone number, together with all his family's contact ways.

It's very hard for me to be friend with him after we love each other that crazily for so long. At least not now definitly. Since every single of his words, can give me a big fuss. It's really too much for me now. He completlely influences my emotion.

Anyway, I will try my best to move on for now. Yes, future, only God knows. And I will leave it to time.
And thanks again for your help here for so long:)

I wish you well and am sorry to hear of your emotional pain.

You are intelligent and able ~ you will come through this.

Time is a great healer.

Long-term, you would not want to be with someone who did not feel the same as you do.

Somewhere your soul-mate is seeking you out.

Take care of yourself ~ think lucky and you will be lucky - as they say!

Too bad.
I still want him in my life after no contact for one week.
I still want to win him back after i deleted everything.
If i wanna do that.
What is the most wise thing to do now? with bigger chance.