RomanceClass.com Forums Romance Breaking Up Am I in a Desperate Situation Now?

Yes, I can see why you feel as you do.

I can't decide for you what you should do next, but you need to be as objective as you can be, which is difficult, I know, because this is an emotional time for you.

It's not good to be alone, so perhaps you should return to your family, but, as you have been accepted at a very good university, it might be a shame to turn that down.

It is sad that the two of you cannot at least have a sensible discussion on this, but it sounds as if you are not as compatible as you both thought and that you cannot be together without matters becoming too emotional.

Time is a great healer ~ remember that.

And in the future you may well find someone who really is your soul mate.

Take care of yourself and good luck with all this.

My Swedish friends are very angry with his attitude, and they want to find some social help. They think that living together for 2 year and a half is somehow a leagal relation already, and he cannot treat me this way.
But, I dont want us end up in such a kind of way. I love him still. If everything has to be solved by lawyer or sth. I will lose the most valuable relation ever happens to me in my life.
However, he refuses to talk about what i should do next at all.
I really really am very very lost now.

And the most important thing in my heart, I still have hopes on him. And I still want to try to write to him in some other way. Try to write a letter in the way how he thinks and try to see whether it helps or not.

I don't know anything about Swedish law; I assume that they mean something like you being his 'common law wife'.

I suppose that this is the difference between living together as a married couple and actually being married. If you had been married, this would have made a difference to the outcome, but not to the feelings.

There are two things, at least, going on here.
1. Why he has gone ~ fault and blame etc.
2. Whether you should be treated like this, when you were his long-term partner.

Personally, I think that, if you do write to him, then you will need to keep the letter very low key ~ ie no hysterics.

I'm not recommending that you do or do not contact him ~ only you can make that decision. However, you should seek some non-judgemental advice, I think, for both of your sakes.


Maybe you could say

~That you understand why he has done this ~ because he finds your behaviour overly dramatic and difficult to cope with ~ but that he did say that he loved you, so you feel that he must surely be concerned about how things have been left with you.

~That your friends have suggested legal proceedings, as if you were his common law wife, but that the love you still have for him, in spite of your anger and sadness at what he has done, mean that you don't want to follow that path.

~That perhaps, when emotions are less raw, you can discuss the future again ~ even if, against your wishes but acknowledging his, this future has to be separate rather than together.


Yes, try to write a letter seeing things from his angle. You know that you can, because you have put it to us on this forum.

Thanks very much for your patience, PDM.
Yes, of course I want to have a reasonable contact and talk with him. However, he overreacts so much in this whole thing. He refuses any normal conversation with me. It's already 2 months since we broke up. And we still haven't got any chance for a normal talk. Firstly, he did not answer the phone; Then I flew to the island he works, and he shouted me to leave; then we exploded and started to hurt each other: him by telling me he has another girl, and me by making all threats to him; And 2 days ago it's the first time we talk since the explosition. I just suggest that we might have a meet when he is in Copenhagen. However, he reacted like some dog is bitting him, and said NO so directly and qucikly, and then left MSN as soon as he can. I again have no chance to ask or say anything.
It's realy so bad between us.
However, still, I perfer not to use the law. He in any case was very nice to me before. I really dont know what makes him behave like this now. Why we cannot have any real rational talk now?
And sometimes I just feel he is really so unfair to me in this, and then I really want to have some leagal protection to myself.
In a word, I am struggling so much, and tomorrow is my exam day. I haven't even read the books yet, feeling like that guy really destroyed my life so completely.

Have an early night, read through your notes and try to relax. That's all you can do for now.

When I was looking at all our pics last night, I cannot control myself crying. And listen to the song for our love at the same time. My tears running down my face like hell. And I write to him a very emotial email, telling him how I never blamed him for one second in this breaking up, and nobody can ever replace his position in my heart. And I said I just regret that I did not know how to cherish the best thing that ever happens to me, and I would use my life to change for a second chance. A very touching letter, however, no response from him at all.

I think that you are going to have to give him a lot more time if you want any response from him.

It seems to me that, in your different ways, you are both responsible for what is happening now.

It must seem very unfair on both of you, for different reasons.

PDM, what should I say? I really feel you are very ... sharp or even professional in these things, coz what you said is somehow exactly what I feel.

"It seems to me that, in your different ways, you are both responsible for what is happening now.

It must seem very unfair on both of you, for different reasons. "

Exactly!!!! Absolutly!!!
Even though I really really I feel bad, I still think that he may not feel any better than I am. We really both have to take resoponsibilities. And its ture it's really not so fair for him also. I really know that.

I heard from my Swedish girlfriend yesterday that she was so mad at him and she even wrote him two letters accusing him as loser and coward and told him that she will find social help from some Swedish Organization.

Holly xxxx!!!! Everything is out of control now. She is my best Swedish girl friend. However, her letters really ... doesnt make things any better!!!!!

He must be thinking it's me who is supporting her to do that. I was so ... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! My head exploded and my spirit was off when I heard about it.

I don't want to explain to him about anything. It just makes everything worse and looks like I'm trying to cover something. I just, for now, i dont want to do anything with him.

You are right, PDM. I have to give him a lot more time if I want to communicate with him now. And now after my Swedish girl's letters with pushing and threatening, I dont know... maybe even more and more time now. I realy don't know now. How long? 1 month? 3 months? half a year? I really don't know.

I went back today with my new classmate, a guy from New York. He told me from his point of view, the same as you guys: Dont go after him. Make him miss me. However, after all the pushing and threatening from me and my girlfriends, is it possible that there will still be hopes???? I really really I love him and still want to fight for him back.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PS: I did quite well today in exam. I may not get a straight A like last year, but I think I can pass.

Glad the exam didn't go too badly.

Only time will tell now.